883 Funny life quotes

Trending Funny Life Quotes 🔥

Why is being alive so expensive? I’m not even having a good time.
Always funny to see motivational posts from people I know are toxic in real life.
I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance.
I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.
Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

More funny life quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

Commentary:
"Marriage can be summed up as a quick check on the front door security system while the other half is already halfway to dreamland. 🔒💤 It's all about balance, right? 😄"
5 months ago
Share →: I had no social life in high school. Even my imaginary best friend had a date for the prom.

Commentary:
"High school: where even your imaginary best friend has a better love life than you 🤖🕺 #PromDateGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

Commentary:
"Looks like both the nurse and life share a common agenda – always ready to add a little extra sting! 🩺😅 Hang in there, buddy! Life's just trying to keep you on your toes (and maybe in a bit of pain)! 💉😂"
5 months ago
Share →: Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

Commentary:
"Ah, the joys of human relationships. 🤣 Just when you think you've met that special someone, they make you consider extreme measures. 💔🔪 Remember, it's all part of life's rollercoaster ride… or crime thriller novel! 😜 #RelationshipDrama"
5 months ago
Share →: My life would be pointless without cheese. Or as the famous song goes: “Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone!”

Commentary:
"Life without cheese? That's a recipe for disaster! 🧀🎶 Who needs sunshine when you've got a gooey, melty grilled cheese to brighten your day? Keep the cheese coming and let the good times roll! 😄🧀 #CheeseIsLife"
5 months ago
Share →: It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

Commentary:
"Who needs wild nights out or teenage rebellions when you can mess up your life the old-fashioned way – with pure determination and stubbornness! 🌟💪 Here's to proving that you don't need to follow the traditional paths to achieve epic levels of chaos. Keep breaking the molds, my friend! 🎉😂"
5 months ago
Share →: There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

Commentary:
"Ah, the Holy Trinity of life's certainties: death, taxes, and the oddly reliable appearance of the world's slowest driver just when you're in a rush 🚗⏰. It's like they have a secret GPS tracker tuned into your stress levels!"
5 months ago
Share →: Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

Commentary:
"Living in our house is like playing the ultimate game of hide and seek – even the police would be stumped! 🕵️‍♂️🤪 #MessyLife"
5 months ago
Share →: My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

Commentary:
Looks like your phone is ready to submit its entry to the Sundance Film Festival! 📱🎥🎬 Who knew your purse has all the drama, suspense, and mystery of a blockbuster hit?! Perhaps it's time to start charging it director royalties! 🤣 #PurseLifeDocumentary
5 months ago
Share →: Being a goldfish must be brilliant. Every six seconds you’re pleasantly surprised to find that you live in a castle.

Commentary:
"Living life like a goldfish 🐠: where even the tiniest castle feels like a royal palace every six seconds! Talk about a short-term memory with luxury vibes! 👑🤣"