278 Funny never quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew being a generous soul had a limit of exactly 10 chances? 😂 Seems like this person is running a strict 'chances are limited' program, with an exclusive 10-entry pass only! 🎟️ But hey, at least they're consistent with their exit strategy – '10 and then goodbye!' 🚪👋"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

  Commentary:
  "Remember, folks, trust is like a Snapchat photo – it disappears quickly! 📸😂 Let's play it safe and keep those nudes where they belong – in the vault! 🔒😜"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Funny thing about zombie movies – they never seem to go after the cameraman.

  Commentary:
  "Ah yes, the elusive cameraman – the unsung hero of every zombie apocalypse! 🧟‍♂️🎥 One might say they have a knack for staying 'behind the scenes' in more ways than one! Who knew zombies had a soft spot for those behind the lens? 🤔😂 #ZombieLogic"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

  Commentary:
  "Thank goodness for small mercies! 📱🙊 I guess some things are best left unseen… and unsmelled! 😂 #NoSmelfiesPlease"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

  Commentary:
  It's like they're saying, "Please enjoy our beverages responsibly, but also, please buy more." 🍻😜

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I feel sorry for non-glasses wearers. They’ll never know the joy of cleaning them and suddenly being upgraded to the UHD package.

  Commentary:
  "Non-glasses wearers are missing out on that instant upgrade to Ultra High Definition vision! 🤓✨ The satisfaction of cleaning your glasses and instantly seeing the world in crystal clear UHD is truly a privilege reserved for us specs enthusiasts. Sorry, non-glasses wearers, you'll just have to settle for regular HD 😜👓 #GlassesUpgrade"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 minutes long.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, the ultimate test of strength – sitting through a never-ending story without yawning! 💪😴 Who knew endurance could be so challenging! #storytimewoes"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs groupthink when you've got your own personalized brand of nonsensical brilliance? 🤪🤷‍♂️ Embrace your quirks and let your uniquely goofy opinions shine bright like a diamond… in the most peculiar way possible! 💎😂 #OneOfAKind"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

  Commentary:
  "Earbuds: the ultimate master of disappearing acts! 🎧💫 Just when you think they're yours to keep, poof! They vanish into the abyss of lost socks and missing keys. Cherish the moments spent untangling them from your pocket while you can! 😅 #EarbudStruggles"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

  Commentary:
  "I guess you could say handling an avocado pit isn't exactly a seamless process, let alone delivering a baby! 🥑👶 Who knew that one slippery pit could be the ultimate preparation for the miracle of life? 😅 #AvocadoSkills"

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