Funny short-lived quotes

25 shares on Instagram this month:

Glasses don’t make you look smart, everyone knows you had to fail a test to get them.

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

21 shares on Messenger this month:

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe.

88 shares on Facebook this month:

When I’m president, everyone who listens to techno, house or rap will be allowed to drive a little faster than others.

19 shares on TikTok this month:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

64 shares on Threads this month:

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.