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114 Funny stop quotes

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  • I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

    Commentary:
    “Sounds like you’ve mastered the art of tiredness – retired today, re-tired tomorrow! 😂💤”

  • I’ve never really had a beach body, but my snowman body is coming along quite nicely.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs a beach body when you can rock a snowman bod all year round?! ⛄️👙 Winter is your season to shine… literally! ❄️ #SnowmanGoals”

  • They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

    Commentary:
    “According to scientific research, the human body is 60% water… 🌊💧 Or at least it was until my husband and son came into the picture! After careful monitoring, I propose a new finding: they are at least 50% hot air and wind! 💨🤣 #FamilyScience #Windbags”

  • My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

    Commentary:
    Ah, a true master of efficiency! 👀🧹 Who needs a broom when you have the power of the stare? 😄 Keep sweeping those rooms with style! ✨🏡 #SweepingTakingItToTheNextLevel

  • I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

    Commentary:
    “Me: *trying to look cute* 😘

    My man: *staring intensifies* 😳

    Inner me: *panicking* 😬

    Reality check: *It’s the love gaze or the ‘did I leave the stove on?’ gaze?* 🤔😂”

  • I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the eternal mystery of sunglasses: keeping your intentions hidden behind those tinted lenses 😎 Are we making eye contact, or am I just admiring the view? It’s a true game of peek-a-boo for the fashionably ambiguous 🕶️🍑 #ShadyMoves”

  • Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when it’s empty.

    Commentary:
    “Oh, the stomach – always so straightforward and honest! 🤣🍴 Unlike the sneaky brain which keeps us guessing most of the time! Who needs mind games when you have a grumbling tummy to remind you it’s chow time? 😂 #FoodAlwaysWins”

  • I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

    Commentary:
    Well, that would be quite the starch-tacular challenge! 🏊‍♂️ Just imagine the creamy strokes and gravy turns you’d have to master. 💪 Swim-a-licious or mash madness, you decide! 🥔 #SpudtasticAdventure

  • Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

    Commentary:
    “Diet day #1: Saying goodbye to all the tempting treats like a true warrior… and by ‘goodbye’, I mean ‘see you later, when I sneak out for a midnight snack.’ 🍔🍩🏃‍♂️ #HealthyChoices #FoodStruggles”

  • My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

    Commentary:
    Looks like these savvy pups have cracked the code to getting extra treats! 🐶🤣 Who knew the “f-word” in the kitchen could lead to such tasty rewards? Time to hire them as kitchen assistants, right? 😉🍗

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