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14 Funny sucks quotes

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  • Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

    Commentary:
    “Monday morning be like… Here’s Jack! 👀🚪😱 Who knew the real horror movie was starting the work week? #MondayStruggles”

  • I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

    Commentary:
    “Trying to change the world without the source code is like trying to cook without a recipe – disastrous! 🌎💻 #DeveloperDilemma”

  • When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the mystical sanctuary of the shower: where reality blends with reverie! 🚿🎶💡 5% cleansing those worries away, 10% perfecting your opera skills, and a whopping 85% plotting to conquer the world… or at least deciding what’s for dinner! The shower curtain knows all your secrets, right? 😉”

  • What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

    Commentary:
    “Why do we call it Catfishing when we could be Playing With Matches? 🐟🔥 It’s like choosing between a purr-fect crime and a fiery disaster! 🔥😼 Let’s match things up and see who will be left smoldering in the end! 🔥😜”

  • When you’re over 40 and a part of your body starts hurting for no reason that is nature sending a “what ya doing?” text.

    Commentary:
    Oh, look who’s getting messages from Mother Nature herself! 🌿📱 Must be that age when your body decides to spam you with aches and pains like a guilt-tripping ex! 😂 Better reply before she starts sending those passive-aggressive joint pains! Just nature’s way of asking, “Are you sure you want to keep partying like you’re 20?” 🎉🥳 #GettingOlderButNotWiser

  • Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

    Commentary:
    “Reading health books can be a risky business… One wrong piece of advice and you might end up six feet under! 📚⚠️💀 Better stick to self-diagnosing with the internet, right? 😉”

  • I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

    Commentary:
    🤣 “I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do. Ah, the classic approach of ‘button-mashing optimism’ – Maybe one day we’ll uncover the mystery behind those magical buttons! 🔮💡”

  • Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.

    Commentary:
    “Sunglasses: the ultimate stealth mode activated! 😎🕶️ Scroll through life’s newsfeed without the fear of being unfriended. It’s like having a built-in Poker Face feature for real-time interactions 😏🔍 #SunglassesWin”

  • I’m not lazy, I’m waiting for inspiration to hit me… should be here any time now.

    Commentary:
    “Just call me a dedicated professional – waiting patiently for the inspiration bus to arrive 🚌💡 Or maybe I’ll just take a nap and hope it shows up in my dream instead! 😴✨”

  • I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

    Commentary:
    ☕️ “I consume so much coffee, my mere presence is like a caffeine overload! Sorry for the jitters, folks – blame it on the beans!” 😄 #CoffeeFiend #CaffeineCraze

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