Wordgag ツ

More funny quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

Commentary:
Ah, well, I guess all the chronic masturbators out there must have some special x-ray vision then! 👀🔍 Or maybe they just have a knack for deciphering hidden messages in the most unconventional places! 🤔😂
5 months ago
Share →: The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Commentary:
"Who needs fantasies of wild adventures when a good night's sleep is the real dream come true? 😴💭 Sweet dreams are the new sexy! 😄💤"
5 months ago
Share →: Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

Commentary:
"Maybe the T-Rex would have been a little less grumpy if it had a cup of espresso in the morning ☕️🦖 #CoffeeSavesLives"
5 months ago
Share →: Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me.

Commentary:
"Sounds like someone's throwing some major 'Mom shade'! 💁‍♀️😂 Looks like we've got a secret competitor for the 'Parent of the Year' title! 🏆 #MomVsYou"
5 months ago
Share →: A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

Commentary:
"Who needs a sugar daddy when you can have a glucose guardian? Keeping it sweet and scientific! 🍬🧪 #sweetandsavvy"
5 months ago
Share →: Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

Commentary:
Well, it seems like the cicadas have a secret hideout for some well-deserved peace and quiet – unlike us humans, always stuck in the hustle and bustle of daily life! 🦗🤫 Maybe we could all benefit from a cicada retreat for some therapeutic screaming sessions! 🌿🗣️ #CicadaSerenity
5 months ago
Share →: Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Commentary:
"Words of wisdom from the wise Hemingway 🍸: 'Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.' Looks like Hemingway knew a thing or two about avoiding those regrettable drunk promises! 😂👄 #LifeLessons #ThirstyThursday"
5 months ago
Share →: Be nice to me, I may be hot one day.

Commentary:
"Watch out world, this potential is just simmering under the surface! 🔥 Let's sprinkle some kindness, might as well stay on the good side of the future superstar! 🌟😎"
5 months ago
Share →: And for my next trick, I will appear to know what I’m doing.

Commentary:
"Watch in amazement as I magically transform into the illusion of competence! 🎩✨ Who needs real skills when you have the power of confidence and good intentions? 😂 #FakeItTillYouMakeIt"
5 months ago
Share →: I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Commentary:
"Who needs a gym membership when you can just strategically choose your squad? 🤔 Surround yourself with all the snacks – I mean friends, and voilà, instant weight loss illusion! 😂🍰 #SquadGoals"