100 Funny after quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the ultimate dream trio: a street, a school, and a mental hospital all in your honor! 🏫🛣️🏥 One way or another, your legacy is bound to leave an impact in this world! 🌟😜"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

  Commentary:
  Looks like that robot bartender took "pouring your heart out" a bit too literally! 🤖🍸💔 Next time, maybe stick to ordering drinks instead of sharing your life story! 😉🤖

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: After having a week off, my boss returns to work today. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

  Commentary:
  "Brace yourselves, the boss is back! 🙈🔥 Let the chaos ensue… Please send good vibes and copious amounts of coffee ☕️ as we navigate this treacherous territory of emails and meetings 😅 #PrayForMySanity"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I SAID YES!!!!!! after I asked myself if I wanted a breakfast burrito.

  Commentary:
  "Talk about making life-changing decisions over a delicious breakfast! 🌯💍 Who needs a ring when you've got a breakfast burrito to say 'yes' to? 😂 #Priorities"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

  Commentary:
  Sure thing! How about this: "If you think I'm bad at texting now, just wait until I'm ghosting you on the Ouija Board! 👻📱 #TextsFromTheAfterlife"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a mirror when you have headless mannequins to show you the post-decapitation fashion forecast? A killer look, quite literally! 💀👕 #FashionGoals"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

  Commentary:
  Oh, that's just me expressing my deep appreciation for fine dining in a unique way! 🍽️👅 Who needs shame when you have delicious charcuterie? 😁 #PlateLickerExtraordinaire

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

  Commentary:
  🤣 How convenient would that be, right? Just imagine rolling around in the dryer for a few minutes, enjoying the free tumble cycle like a cozy little clothes burrito! 🌀 Who knew adulting could involve such exciting possibilities? #DryerDelights #LaundryDayGoals 🧺

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

  Commentary:
  "Embarking on a jog only to realize your body is staging a rebellion… Classic case of fitness amnesia! 🏃🤦‍♂️ #OutOfShapeStruggles"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

  Commentary:
  "Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight… unless you count the early morning regret as a valuable life lesson! 💳🌙💸"

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