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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

To whoever has my voodoo doll, please stop making her go to work.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Always be kind. You never know who has a pool.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

I am the human version of tangled headphones.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

If you turn your phone off for 1 day, you’ll realize it’s still 2007 outside.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

I hate when I accidentally blow all of my leaves into my neighbor’s yard.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

I’m probably like this because I drank water from the hose.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Does anyone actually know how to pronounce Worcestershire sauce correctly, or do we all just stumble through it and hope for the best?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,302

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

Breaking via Slack:

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Live now on YouTube:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Trending via Instagram:

Born to be a hater, forced to understand your perspective.

Freshly posted on X:

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

Just shared via Messenger:

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

Just landed via X:

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

Funny animal humor quotes

Funny animal humor quotes 🐾 are the perfect way to brighten your day with pawsitive vibes 🐶😂! Whether it’s quirky cats 🐱, goofy dogs 🐕, or mischievous monkeys 🐒, these witty lines will have you laughing out loud and sharing the joy 🦄✨. Get ready for a pawsome dose of chuckles and tail-wagging fun that’s sure to make your feed a little more wild and hilarious! 🎉🐾

New funny animal humor quotes 👇

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal humor, behavior, calm, dog, dogs, funny observation, human, humans, humor, jobs, observation, pet, pet behavior, relationship, stress
It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal humor, confidence, cool, fear, fish, humor, me, quirky, romance, sad, sadness, self-esteem, want, women
Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal humor, cats, day, domestic, domestic life, every, gratitude, home, house, humor, i, life, live, me, owner, pet, pet owner, thank
A bird just flew into our glass door. Іt’s not dead. Just really embarrassed.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal humor, bird, comedy, dead, door, embarrassed, event, flew, funny moment, glass, glass door, humor, just, moment, nature, unexpected, unexpected event
Beavers are also just otters that have learned carpentry.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal humor, beaver, carpentry, comparison, funny comparison, humor, just, nature, otter, woodworking
Penguins are just ducks going to a wedding.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal humor, comparison, duck, going, humor, just, party, penguin, wedding
I feel like everyone who has ever had a hamster has some kind of traumatic experience with it.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal humor, ever, everyone, experience, feel, hamster, humor, i, kind, pet, traumatic, traumatic experience

All funny animal humor quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please put some money in its pocket.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

I hate when kids scream in public. You don’t have real problems. It should be me screaming.

57 shares on Instagram this month:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

96 shares on Reddit this month:

If I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online, it’s not that I lied; it’s just that I failed.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

If I climbed all the way to the top of Mount Everest and looked up, then I’d finally see the top of our family’s weekly laundry pile.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

Life is really sucking the life out of me.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn’t be allowed to talk.

49 shares on Twitch this month:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

63 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Playing dumb for five minutes often saves a lot of work.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

People who accuse me of delusions of grandeur, obviously don’t worship me enough.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

There must be an invisible mechanism on my book. Every time I open it, my husband starts trying to talk to me.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

A web developer and an SEO expert walk into a bar, bars, nightclub, pubs, tavern, beer, alcohol, drinks, alcoholic beverages, bars in my area, places to drink.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,286

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

They say we learn from our mistakes, that’s why I’m making as many as possible. Soon I’ll be a genius.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother, and we should respect her.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

My boyfriend just said “I encourage you to try all things” to our cat who was licking up Buffalo sauce.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Can anyone recommend some basic intrusive thoughts for someone looking to get into anxiety?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

I’m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

No matter how busy my Sunday gets, I always manage to set aside time to panic about Monday.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Sundays are no place for pants or responsibility.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Body: Okay, sleepy time. Brain: Okay, thinky time.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I’m running out of people I like.

Making waves on Threads:

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

Spotted on Pinterest:

It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

Freshly posted on Discord:

It’s like 10,000 lies when all you need is the files.

Shared recently on Slack:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Just landed via Threads:

Festival is when you pay a fortune to live like a homeless person.

Just shared via YouTube:

My self-care routine is mostly just going to Mexican restaurants.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

Breaking via Messenger:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror films to relax the viewer before sleeping.

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