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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Don’t be part of the problem. Be all of it.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

A foghorn but for people who can’t see through their own bullshit.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Reverse cowgirl because first dates are awkward.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Given the amount of clowns around here, you’d think it would be more entertaining.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

I miss when my biggest problem was whether my Happy Meal toy matched the one from the commercial.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Shooting a gun in the air to get everyone’s attention, then immediately getting shy and sheepishly twisting my shoe in the dirt and blinking bashfully.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,454

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

Sadly, I do my best proofreading after I hit “send.

Trending via Telegram:

Today, I want to talk about how people’s houses smell funny, but mine doesn’t.

Spotted on Messenger:

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’ve realized about a third of my life is spent trying to ignore the fact that I have to pee.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Trending via Pinterest:

Gonna close my bank account and keep all my money on me, like Sonic the Hedgehog.

Seen just now on Threads:

Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’

Going viral on X:

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

Funny announcer quotes

Funny announcer quotes bring the perfect mix of wit and unexpected laughs to any event 🎤😂 From sports arenas to award shows, these clever lines keep audiences entertained and on their toes 🎉 Whether you need a quick chuckle or some playful banter, diving into these hilarious gems is sure to brighten your day 🌟 Ready to hear some announcer magic with a twist? Let’s get the fun started! 🙌😄

New funny announcer quotes 👇

All funny announcer quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on Slack this month:

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

66 shares on Twitch this month:

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

23 shares on X this month:

Yeah, bro, she’s probably just not using her phone right now, for the first time ever in her whole life.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

Not my circus, but I’ve grown quite fond of its monkeys.

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

93 shares on Telegram this month:

How do I un-know people?

67 shares on Discord this month:

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

If you want to make your mother proud, make her my mother-in-law.

83 shares on X this month:

How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?

21 shares on Messenger this month:

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the weirdest things about being an adult is having a favorite stove top burner. No one ever talks about it, but y’all know it’s true.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m lacking vitamin c-ash.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I sometimes have the desire to meet certain people again for the first time. Only to simply walk past them.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,319

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Nobody’s more stubborn than an Android person that won’t switch to iPhone.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Is everything expensive or am I just poor?

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

If you’re tired of “food” and want to try something a bit more sophisticated, may I recommend “cuisine”?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I’ve used dark mode so much that I’m physically repulsed by white screens now.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Netflix had enough cash to buy Warner Bros., but cried poor when we shared passwords with our mom.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.

Spotted on Snapchat:

“No idea” doesn’t mean I don’t know the answer. I just don’t want to have a conversation.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

After I get irritated, it takes me about 2 hours to fix my face.

Just shared via Slack:

When I say “I hate drama”, I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people’s drama? Big fan!

Going viral on Pinterest:

Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Getting out of bed should count as resistance training.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Spotted on Slack:

I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Why am I scrolling? What am I searching for?

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