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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Chuck Norris passed his driving test on foot.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Instead of studying, I like to stay on my phone and worry about how I’m going to pass.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

I think God was high when he made me.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Reverse cowgirl, so we can both address the elephant in the room.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

My body can’t handle the stress of loving anyone romantically, ever.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,529

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Girlhood is taking hundreds of pictures only to post one or none at all.

Trending via Reddit:

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Seen just now on Slack:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

Just landed via Threads:

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

Just landed via Facebook:

A relationship is like a shark, it looks better on TV.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

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New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on YouTube this month:

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

77 shares on Discord this month:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

59 shares on Telegram this month:

You can always tell when a man is dating someone new. Why you going to the aquarium and the museum?

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Well, like I said to my television the other day, “How can these people be so stupid?!?”

82 shares on WeChat this month:

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

77 shares on Telegram this month:

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

Can’t say “I’m tired” without my mom making it a competition of who is the most tired and who has more reason to be.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

I toss and turn in bed all night like a beautiful rotisserie chicken.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

75 shares on Threads this month:

I just want someone who can read a book with me in silence, and then do ungodly things sometimes.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Fundamentally, I understand chess, because I too would never let my king feel unsafe.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

At a job interview: think of me as the rightful heir to the throne.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I left you on read, I didn’t mean to open it just yet.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Pet owners be like “this is my pet Snoopy, but their nicknames are Booboo and Thicky Boy!”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

“Have AI summarize this email for you!” No thanks, I can read what the person actually said in the way they intended.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to adulthood. The weekend is your only time to catch up on everything, but also your only time to do absolutely nothing.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not even doomscrolling anymore; I’m just regular scrolling, and everything’s doomed.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

God invented war so that Americans can learn geography.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,676

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I’d rather lose you than the argument.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

You ever want someone so bad it pisses you off a little.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

The feminine urge to start a coven.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Establish dominance at work by telling your coworkers they look tired before they get a chance to say it to you.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Kids these days are soft. I’m pretty sure I died once when I was 7, and my mom made me walk it off.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Why can’t people be tested like watermelons? You tap them on the head and find out whether they are normal or bad.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

Trending via Twitch:

I often message people with the weird idea that they’ll message me back.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

My morning routine consists of talking myself out of quitting my job.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Yeah, I work at the fart bar. Yup. I’m a fartender. Farts on me tonight!

Shared recently on Twitch:

Why is experimental noise music always scary metallic noises and never fun sounds like people clapping and laughing and like bubbles and stuff?

Going viral on Threads:

The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

Making waves on Telegram:

Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.

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