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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Burger King implies the existence of an entire burger based feudal system.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Studies show that sleepwalking has decreased among Americans over the last 10 years. Typical lazy Americans.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Legos are too expensive nowadays. They should go back to costing as much as they did when my parents paid for them.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Don’t be ashamed of who you are, that is your parent’s job.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,448

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

Just shared via Instagram:

WhatsApp needs to remove that “this message was deleted” notification. It’s unnecessary drama.

Going viral on Messenger:

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

Just landed via WeChat:

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a few minutes.

Just shared via X:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Trending via TikTok:

12 people have been to the moon and only 8 people have won Takeshi’s Castle. Really makes you think.

Shared recently on X:

I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.

Making waves on Pinterest:

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Just shared via YouTube:

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

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Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

29 shares on Slack this month:

German couples probably have less arguments because there’s an exact word for, “I’m fine, just annoyed you forgot the milk again”.

12 shares on Threads this month:

Overheard a baby crying in the grocery store the other day so I went over and joined him. I get it, little dude, life is hard.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

75 shares on Discord this month:

People at the library need to learn how to be quiet. Some of us are trying to beatbox over here.

18 shares on Threads this month:

Descibe your boobs only using a picture of them.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

My spirit animal is that one bird that knocks itself unconscious, flying into windows.

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

That “never again” talk with yourself after a certain experience is always funny.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t get why banks tie pens with strings. We trust them with money, but they can’t trust us with a single pen.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The guy that said laughter is the best medicine obviously wasn’t suffering from diarrhea.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Tupperware is a fun way to store your leftovers until you throw them away.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

“Stop thinking about it.” Wow, thank you, I am cured. You should write a book.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

She was rare. Like a parking spot in the front row on a rainy day.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,550

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

I respect the moon because it controls three of our most precious entities: oceans, wolves & women.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Haircuts should be covered by insurance.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

The question I ask myself most often is, “What would a jury think about this?”

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

I’m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

If you’re looking for another bad decision, I’m here.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Water bottle leaking in your bag is a top 10 worst experience.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Life is too short. Tell his mom what he did to you.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Worrying is just worshipping the problem.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If you’re riding a bike in New York City, it means you care about your health. Riding one in Tennessee means you got a DUI.

Live now on X:

You’ve got to question the legitimacy of the Burger Kingdom if Burger King is just handing out crowns to anybody willy-nilly.

Spotted on WeChat:

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Just landed via Telegram:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

People that ask Grok “Is this true” are the reason our society is getting dumber by the minute.

Just shared via TikTok:

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.

Breaking via Twitch:

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

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