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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

I have to work because the baby is expensive. (I’m the baby.)

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Blocking people isn’t enough. I need their favorite TV show to get cancelled.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,482

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Doing some skin care routine but my skin doesn’t care.

Breaking via WeChat:

The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

Spotted on Telegram:

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Trending via Threads:

People will make you sad but cheese will always make you happy. The choice is simple.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

It’s amazing how so many people can rave about Star Wars or Star Trek and at the same time make sure that the only realistic future prospect is Mad Max.

Making waves on Telegram:

I hate how everything is organic now. I miss chemicals.

Spotted on Facebook:

You can learn a lot about a person by observing their every waking movement from a tree outside their house.

Breaking via Messenger:

AirPods are hungry for earwax. It’s your job to feed them.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Your Starbucks order leads me to believe that you’re very difficult to deal with.

Just shared via Slack:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Funny cell mate quotes

New funny cell mate quotes 👇

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

1 week ago

before, cell, cell mate, dating, ever, humor, irony, loneliness, love, mate, prison, relationship, soulmate

All funny cell mate quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Facebook this month:

If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

62 shares on Messenger this month:

Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

28 shares on YouTube this month:

This meeting could have been a painting in a museum of boredom.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

Lord, remove any laziness from my body and push me to my full potential the rest of this year.

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

76 shares on Twitch this month:

I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

91 shares on Discord this month:

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

36 shares on TikTok this month:

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

90 shares on Messenger this month:

Don’t know how to explain this, but “hot honey” is the pickleball of condiments (derogatory).

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Oh good. Another day.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

I think you misunderstood – when I said, “Let me look into it,” that meant, “I don’t know exactly how to tell you no just yet.”

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Donuts have holes in them, just like acoustic guitars, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

What if i just replied “not now kitten daddy’s busy” to all my work emails?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running… out of money!

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Bloopers in movie credits is a lost art form.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Shared recently on Slack:

Who you are before you have your coffee is the real you.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’m lacking vitamin c-ash.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Turning in bad essays to professors you have a personal relationship with is the most humiliating thing ever.

Going viral on Twitch:

If the only person you’re competing with is yourself, how could you lose?

Making waves on Threads:

Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.

Just landed via Slack:

Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Just shared via Telegram:

My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny cell mate quotes

New funny cell mate quotes 👇

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

All funny cell mate quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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