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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Yes, I sometimes put my cell phone down. Especially when it rings.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Can’t think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

This Dollar Tree energy drink has me seeing colors that aren’t available to the naked eye, yet.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Social media is a great way to make new enemies.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,288

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Shared recently on Discord:

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

Breaking via TikTok:

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I never wanted to download the Microsoft Authenticator app on my personal phone to access every professional platform necessary to do my job.

Going viral on Snapchat:

“I have a date with destiny.” Yeah well, I’m in a long-term relationship with the consequences of my actions.

Making waves on Instagram:

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

Shared recently on WeChat:

That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

Making waves on X:

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Stop blaming others for your mistakes. Study Feng Shui and blame the furniture.

Funny home improvement quotes

Funny home improvement quotes are the perfect way to add a splash of humor to your DIY adventures 🛠️😂 Whether you’re battling leaky faucets or dodging paint splatters, these witty gems keep the mood light and the motivation high 🎨💪 Ready to laugh through the chaos and celebrate the joys (and fails) of fixing up your space? Let’s dive into some hilarious truths that every home improver will relate to! 🏡🤣

New funny home improvement quotes 👇

All funny home improvement quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on WeChat this month:

Sometimes I think about Adam and Eve and how they couldn’t even get a babysitter.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

People who take two steps on the stairs are both active and lazy at the same time.

46 shares on Reddit this month:

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

64 shares on Instagram this month:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

28 shares on Discord this month:

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

58 shares on YouTube this month:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I’ve sacrificed a sheep.

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

40 shares on YouTube this month:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

61 shares on Messenger this month:

I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’

60 shares on Threads this month:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I will never understand people’s fascination with their ancestry, isn’t knowing your current family bad enough.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a dirty mind and an innocent face is truly a blessing.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I struggle to adjust to civilian life after coming home from the movies.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Here’s what I’ve learned since I’ve been on social media: I’m not nearly as disturbed as I thought I was.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

A Monday every week is excessive.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI send 5 emails a day and check their fantasy football line-ups on and off for 8 hours.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Abandoned amusement parks are so creepy. It’s no wonder they were abandoned.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,605

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

My son got braces today. Yay, he’s not going to be a teenage dad.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Unloading the dishwasher in the opposite direction just to feel something.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Spent most of the day making sure my couch still works. So far so good.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Imagine being hungry and some guy tries to teach you to fish.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

I’ll rewind a movie, get on my phone, and miss the same part.

Shared recently on Telegram:

There are so many people going to hell. I’m thinking of investing in some property there.

Just landed via Facebook:

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’m opening a secret ice cream club called The Inside Scoop.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I miss when bills had nothing to do with me.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.

Trending via X:

Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.

Just shared via Messenger:

More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.

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