Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Maybe there’s an alternate universe where onions cry when they chop up humans, you don’t know.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Nothing like a meteor shower to remind you that burning out can still be breathtaking.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Can’t wait for when we’re all in our 80’s and still tweeting.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

The Bible is 100% accurate when thrown at close range.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

I think it’s extremely important, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,574

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Once your parents move from “What time are you coming back” to “Are you coming back today,” you have won the war.

Trending via Messenger:

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Normalise following up to an ignored email with “helllooooooo?”

Seen just now on Reddit:

Yeah, I work at the fart bar. Yup. I’m a fartender. Farts on me tonight!

Going viral on Twitch:

America’s national anthem should be changed to Welcome to the Jungle.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

If I was Snow White, you wouldn’t get me with an apple. You’d have to poison a taco or something.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

Funny not eating quotes

New funny not eating quotes 👇

All funny not eating quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t even know who’s famous anymore.

76 shares on Reddit this month:

I wonder if people who spend all their time screaming on the internet know there are way more fun things to do.

84 shares on Threads this month:

We are all just prisoners here of our phone device.

71 shares on Threads this month:

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You can’t spell crypto without “cry”.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

97 shares on WeChat this month:

You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

62 shares on Telegram this month:

Don’t scare me, I fart easily.

50 shares on Slack this month:

It would be nice to see basic human decency make a comeback.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

Welcome to your senior years, where you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Congratulations on getting to the red light first. You’re special.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Hide and seek, except it’s my husband searching for where he last put his pants.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Car insurance should give you back money at the end of the year for having no accidents.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Babe, are you OK? It’s already Q4, and you’ve barely touched your “2025 roadmap.”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m basically the human version of tangled up Christmas lights.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine thinking you have all the answers.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,736

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

The way I see it, eating chips while I wait for my pizza to arrive is no different than ordering a starter in a restaurant.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Been telling everyone, “It’s been a good year for horses.” No idea whether that’s true or not, but they keep nodding like it makes a lot of sense.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

Trending via Telegram:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Spotted on Pinterest:

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

Breaking via Slack:

I feel like whoever named them rice cakes has never actually eaten a cake.

Shared recently on X:

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

Shared recently on TikTok:

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

Just shared via Twitch:

If you’re happy and you know it, you’re clearly not paying enough attention.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Some people graduate with honors, I am just honored to graduate.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

Making waves on Pinterest:

Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴