Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is. Posted onNov 20, 2023Nov 20, 2023
Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.” Posted onOct 3, 2023Oct 3, 2023
They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”. Posted on4 months ago4 months ago
I don’t mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but Colombian farmers have a photo of me in their wallets. Posted on3 months ago3 months ago
Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner. Posted onJun 15, 2024Jun 15, 2024
I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the TV to get a clearer picture. Posted onSep 22, 2023Sep 23, 2023
It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem. Posted onSep 22, 2023Sep 21, 2023
People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it. Posted on3 months ago3 months ago
I had the most impatient and rudest cashier. I’m never using self-checkout again. Posted onSep 22, 2023Sep 21, 2023
Why are so many people going everywhere whenever I have to go anywhere? Posted onOct 25, 2023May 6, 2024
If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it. Posted on6 months ago6 months ago
A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day. Posted onSep 22, 2023Sep 23, 2023
I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn. Posted on2 months ago2 months ago
That awkward moment when you have to pretend that you like the gift. Posted onSep 23, 2023Sep 23, 2023
One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves. Posted onJun 1, 20243 months ago
My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case. Posted on3 months ago3 months ago
Shout out to everyone who cooks at 180°C for 20 minutes, no matter what the instructions say. Posted on3 months ago3 months ago
The date abruptly ended over a disagreement on how to pronounce Gnocchi. Posted on3 days ago3 days ago
My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week. Posted on3 months ago3 months ago