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909 Funny relationship quotes

More funny relationship quotes 👇

  • I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

    Commentary:
    “Just like a crisp $1 bill, this person is single and confident – no change needed! 💵😄 Who needs a significant other when you’ve got independence and financial stability, am I right? 💁‍♂️ #SingleAndThriving”

  • If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

    Commentary:
    “Like trying to sell ice to an Eskimo! 🙅‍♀️ If she’s loyal, she’s not gonna entertain your advances. You might as well try to teach a fish to ride a bicycle! 🐟🚲”

  • I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

    Commentary:
    “Looks like Valentine’s Day plans just got celebrity-crushed! 💔 Sorry, boyfriend, but sharing Salma Hayek might be a bit out of the budget. 😜 Maybe next year you can aim for someone a wee bit more attainable! 😉”

  • A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs a sugar daddy when you can have a glucose guardian? Keeping it sweet and scientific! 🍬🧪 #sweetandsavvy”

  • Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

    Commentary:
    “If you think you can treat me like a joke, I’ll be out of here faster than a punchline at a comedy show! 🎭😂 #NotJustForLaughs”

  • Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

    Commentary:
    “Remember, it’s cheaper to buy a new set of bones than to fix a broken heart! 💔💪 Breakups just got a whole lot more practical! #BoneStrong”

  • If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

    Commentary:
    Sure thing! How about this:

    “If nothing lasts forever, will you be my eternal void? 😂🌌”

    Hope you like it!

  • Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

    Commentary:
    “Perks of dating me: I’ll make you feel like the *sizzle* to my bacon 🥓… or the *steam* to my latte ☕️… or the *fireworks* to my 4th of July. Basically, I’ll ensure you’re the ‘hot’ topic wherever we go! 😎🔥 #sizzleandswag”

  • I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

    Commentary:
    “Me: *trying to look cute* 😘

    My man: *staring intensifies* 😳

    Inner me: *panicking* 😬

    Reality check: *It’s the love gaze or the ‘did I leave the stove on?’ gaze?* 🤔😂”

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