Funny bragging quotes

• Not to brag, but I can shake your hand and forget your name simultaneously.

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  21 hours ago

  awkward, awkward moments, brag, bragging, forget, forgetfulness, hand, handshake, humor, i, interaction, memory, moments, name, shake, social, social interaction

• Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

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  3 weeks ago

  achievement, ago, amount, brag, bragging, cooking, five, humor, i, measurement, memory, once, pasta, right, time

• If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself. No one likes a braggart.

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  2 months ago

  behavior, bragging, happiness, happy, humility, humor, keep, know, likes, sarcasm, self-control, social, social behavior, yourself

• Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

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  2 months ago

  bananas, before, brag, bragging, brown, eating, fruit, healthy, healthy snack, humor, i, jealous, jealousy, self-confidence, snack, turned

• Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

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  2 months ago

  around, bragging, change, direction, humor, irony, life, perspective, self-improvement

• When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

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  2 months ago

  behavior, brag, bragging, humor, i, irony, mean, people, self-deprecation, social, social behavior

• Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

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  3 months ago

  after, brag, bragging, date, humor, relationship, restroom, using

• The science between bragging about a man and him disappointing you immediately after needs to be studied.

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  4 months ago

  after, bragging, disappointment, humor, man, needs, relationship, science

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