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Funny car alarm quotes

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  • Before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.

    Commentary:
    “Before kids: Saturdays were made for sleeping in and brunch 🛌🥞 After kids: Saturdays now start promptly at 7am, whether you like it or not ⏰😅 #ParentingLife”

  • My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.

    Commentary:
    Well, it sounds like your eye doctor might be battling between being a medical expert and a Pokémon master! 🔬👾 Just imagine walking into the clinic and suddenly, sounds of “Pikachu, I choose you!” fill the room. Who knows, maybe the cure for your chalazion involves a potion brewed by a Charizard! Stay hopeful, and remember to catch ’em all… I mean, trust your young eye doctor! 😉

  • Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.

    Commentary:
    Well, move over Spotify! 🎵🔥 Looks like the real chart-topper has arrived and it’s not available for streaming! 😂💁‍♂️ Who needs a playlist when you’re the ultimate hit single? 🌟 #TrendingOnMyOwnTerms

  • If anyone wants a more cost effective energy provider, I can supply endless energy on tap from my absolutely not tired child at bedtime.

    Commentary:
    “Looking for a cheap energy source? Look no further! Just ask any parent with a child who suddenly becomes a night owl at bedtime for a limitless and renewable energy supply! 🔋💤 #ParentingPowerSource”

  • I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs adulting when you can just be a carefree pup soaking up the sun and receiving snacks on demand? 🐶☀️ Don’t worry, I’ll bring the snacks as long as you promise belly rubs in return! #DogLifeGoals”

  • Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

    Commentary:
    🤔💡 “Asking the real questions here! Who needs a regular old back scratcher when you have a lightsaber, right? 💫✨ Just be sure to keep it on low setting unless you want to accidentally turn your back into a Jedi training ground. May the force of relaxation be with you! 🚀🌟”

  • My phone screen is brighter than my future.

    Commentary:
    “Looks like your phone screen is shining bright like a diamond while your future is still searching for the light switch. 💎📱 Keep your screen dimmed and your future prospects sparking with potential! 🔦💡”

  • My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

    Commentary:
    Ah, the chaotic symphony of the modern mind! 🤯🎶 Just like a web browser with tabs galore, we navigate through the endless labyrinth of thoughts, with some frozen in confusion and a mysterious soundtrack playing in the background. 🕸️💭🎵 Embrace the pandemonium, for it is the soundtrack of creativity in full swing! 😅🎭 #MultitaskingMaster

  • Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

    Commentary:
    “Remember, it’s cheaper to buy a new set of bones than to fix a broken heart! 💔💪 Breakups just got a whole lot more practical! #BoneStrong”

  • You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

    Commentary:
    When the speed limit feels like a mere suggestion rather than a rule 😂🚗💨 Who are these mythical creatures actually following it?? 🤔 #LifeinaFastLane #NeedforSpeed

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