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150 Funny expectations quotes

Why do men always think “looking for fun” means sex? Wat if I want us to draw?

3 months ago

You’re an adult if you’re happy every time the mailbox is empty.

3 months ago

I made up all these romantic scenarios in my brain and you’re not following the script.

3 months ago

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

3 months ago

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

3 months ago

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

3 months ago

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

3 months ago

Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?

3 months ago

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

3 months ago

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

3 months ago

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

3 months ago

Everybody thinks “Free Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

3 months ago

Me, waiting on an email: What the hell is taking so long, this is ridiculous. Me, sending an email: this can probably wait another three weeks or so.

3 months ago

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

3 months ago

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

3 months ago

Your girlfriend needs two hours to get ready. But if you don’t have your shoes on when she’s ready, you’re the problem.

3 months ago

Dating is the process of meeting someone until you find out what’s wrong with them.

3 months ago

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

3 months ago

Men tell you “I know a place” and bring you to the brink of madness.

3 months ago

I never wanted to become one of those adults who just find the music of the younger generation annoying. Nobody could have guessed that the music was just annoying.

3 months ago