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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Accidentally used my real personality at work today… heading to HR now.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

“Stop recording everything and just enjoy the moment” is asking me for videos from last night.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

“Nah.” – everyone with an office job, from the Monday after Thanksgiving until January 2nd.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

This too shall pass. And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never fucking ends.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Texting him “Happy New Year” to interrupt his healing process.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

My style isn’t even my real style yet. Just wait till my budget matches my vision.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,588

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Through pottery, we domesticated rocks.

Going viral on X:

When I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now, these bills got me afraid of the light.

Going viral on Discord:

Life is short. Tell people you love them, so they block you sooner.

Spotted on Messenger:

Called off work. Feeling fat and wearing jeans.

Seen just now on Slack:

I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

Going viral on Twitch:

I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.

Making waves on Twitch:

It’s the weekend, so naturally, I’m going to spend 48 hours doing nothing, and still be exhausted.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

My front facing camera got me looking like a failed science project.

Shared recently on Slack:

Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

What song lyric resonates with you the most? Mine is “we’re tiny, we’re toony, we’re all a little loony”

39 shares on Twitch this month:

Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

84 shares on Threads this month:

Stop roasting yourself, you’re not a marshmallow.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

58 shares on Instagram this month:

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

74 shares on X this month:

Wearing white pants today, so it’s really just a matter of time before I spill something on myself.

23 shares on Telegram this month:

Preparing for the apocalypse by becoming fluent in zombie.

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe Monday is more scared of us than we are of it… we don’t know.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Being liked at work comes with so many perks, you could be late as hell, and everyone is just happy to see you.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes uncontrollable laughter is all you need to get the millions of thoughts out of your head.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

All human behavior is performative, besides the crying of an infant.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Today I couldn’t find a parking space at work, so I drove back home. Looks like they have enough people there.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,381

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

She is both the storm and the shelter.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Offering friendship as a consolation prize for a failed romantic connection attempt is absolutely cruel.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

We can do things one of two ways. My way or my other way.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Take a broken girl, fix her. And she will go back to the same guy again.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I made soup while whispering “He was never mine,” like it’s 1893, and I just lost my beloved to a duel.

Seen just now on Reddit:

“Made with love,” means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Screen time so high, I should send another risky message and then ignore my cell phone for three days.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

He who laughs last didn’t get it.

Seen just now on Discord:

Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

Seen just now on Telegram:

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Spotted on WeChat:

I need to start hiding my money from myself.

Trending via Reddit:

Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

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