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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Not only is Santa not real, there are also no horny singles in your area wanting to meet you.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

My favorite conspiracy theory is that things will get better.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,636

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Reddit:

The fatigue is reaching levels that shouldn’t even be possible.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

Just shared via Slack:

This meeting could have been a painting in a museum of boredom.

Spotted on Facebook:

I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…

Making waves on Facebook:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I asked R2D2, and he said you’re a loser.

Shared recently on Threads:

I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Dear LOL, thanks for being there when I have nothing else to say.

Just landed via Discord:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Breaking via Facebook:

This meeting should’ve been a fist fight.

Funny journal quotes

Funny journal quotes bring a burst of laughter 😂 and creativity ✍️ to your daily writing routine! Whether you’re feeling quirky, silly, or just need a mood boost, these witty gems add personality and spark to your pages 📓✨. Ready to turn your journal into a fun haven of smiles and chuckles? Let the playful vibes begin! 😄🎉

New funny journal quotes 👇

All funny journal quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Snapchat this month:

How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

11 shares on Reddit this month:

Living alone is so dumb, you’ll be asking your pets if they’ve seen your phone, and those lazy bastards never know.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

77 shares on Reddit this month:

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

Nobody calls you old more than people 2 years younger than you.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

70 shares on Telegram this month:

I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

After cooking show a dishwashing show with same host but kind of drunk.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be a three-day weekend: one day to do nothing, one day to do something, and one day to do laundry.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

All mushrooms are edible. Some only once.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s not you. Just the things you say, think, and do.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,400

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Self-help books are brain rot. Return to fiction.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

I had a sex dream last night that felt so real, I’m just gonna go ahead and add it to my body count.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

“Hope this email finds you doing well!” The email found me, therefore I am unwell.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Sometimes I think about starting a podcast and then I remember all I do during conversations is nod.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

1994: I can’t wait to see what the world is like in 30 years. 2024: God no.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

Spotted on Messenger:

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

Live now on WeChat:

Every time I get the urge to clean, I watch Hoarders and I decide my house isn’t that dirty after all.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

Making waves on Snapchat:

They’re uploading my consciousness into a disposable vape.

Just shared via Reddit:

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

Shared recently on Discord:

Journaling was the most useless thing l ever attempted. Not only am I still suffering but now there’s evidence.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

Going viral on Reddit:

We need a better word for horny that sounds elegant and gorgeous.

Seen just now on Slack:

People tell introverts to talk more and get out of their comfort zone, but no one tells extroverts to shut up to make the zone comfortable.

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