883 Funny life quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the bittersweet transition from being a regular at the bar to a VIP at the pharmacy 🍸💊 Here's to aging gracefully and getting carded for your medication instead of your drinks! 🎉 #CheersToGrowingUp

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the sweet illusion of age and wisdom shattered by the harsh reality of adulting… Turns out, it's not about being wise and self-confident, it's just a battle against exhaustion 😴💭 #AdultingStruggles #AgeVsTiredness"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

  Commentary:
  "Taking one for the team, one cookie at a time! 🍪 Who knew saving your family could be this delicious? 😂 #DiabetesDeputy"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

  Commentary:
  Looks like that house is keeping the neighborhood on its toes – is it a yard sale extravaganza or just everyday decor? 🏠🤔 Maybe they're just big fans of the "shabby chic" look! 😄

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Bugs Bunny taught me that my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.

  Commentary:
  🐰👗 "Thanks to Bugs Bunny, I've learned that in tough situations, I don't have to stick to fight or flight – I can always channel my inner pretty lady and sashay my way out of trouble! Who knew a cartoon rabbit could be such a fashion icon and a role model all in one? 💃🏼💁🏻‍♀️"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the thrilling saga of traffic strikes again! 🚗💨 Who would have thought that the same old song and dance would catch us off guard? Time to add 'predicting traffic patterns' to our resume! 😅⏰ #SameTrafficDifferentDay"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: “Cut my life into pieces” screamed the earthworm and threw itself in front of my spade.

  Commentary:
  Looks like the earthworm took the phrase "cutting drama" a little too literally! 🪱😆 Seems like it wanted to audition for a role in a Shakespearean tragedy instead of being a humble gardener's assistant! #DramaticEarthworm

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Things can feel really overwhelming. Sometimes days or even weeks can get really hectic. Don’t forget that life is all about getting as much phone time as possible. Never lose sight of that.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, yes, the age-old wisdom of prioritizing phone time above all else. 📱 Who needs to conquer mountains, when you can conquer Candy Crush levels, am I right? 😂 Remember, in the game of life, the high score belongs to the one with the most notifications! #PhoneTimeIsPrimeTime"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: All I do is go to work, come home, blink and suddenly I’m back at work.

  Commentary:
  "Life of a perpetual work warrior be like: ⚙️🏠👀🔄 Can we please add a few more blinks of fun and leisure in between, pretty please? 😅💼💤"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the past, always trying to slide back into your DMs like an old ex! 📞🚫 Don't give in – that book has been read cover to cover, dear past! 📖😄 Let's stay focused on the NOW and the NEXT chapter! 🚀🔮 #MovingForward"

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