Home » Funny Quotes » Page 999

Random Funny Quotes

Random funny quotes to crack you up. 😎✌️

Random funny quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

Commentary:
"Ah, the rollercoaster of emotions during a divorce – from the depths of despair to the heights of ecstasy! 😅🎢 It's like we're skipping through the stages of grief on fast forward! Remember, it's all about balance…and maybe a sprinkle of therapy. 😉 #DivorceDrama"
5 months ago
Share →: Whoever came up with the name wallpaper really nailed it.

Commentary:
Oh, absolutely! 🏠🤣 Talk about a spot-on description! It's like they looked at those rolls of paper and thought, "Yep, that's definitely for the walls!" 🖼️🔨 Kudos to the genius behind the name "wallpaper" – they hit the nail on the head! 🪓👏
5 months ago
Share →: Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

Commentary:
"Who needs beauty sleep when you can have a mortician glam squad🧟‍♀️💄? Talk about waking up looking drop dead gorgeous💀💅! Keeping it killer even in your dreams!😜"
5 months ago
Share →: If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

Commentary:
"Maybe then the mannequins can rock some loungewear in style 😂👵👴 Who says fashion can't be comfortable and relatable, right? #AgeIsJustANumber"
5 months ago
Share →: Gnocchi: The small, chubby children of spaghetti and potatoes.

Commentary:
"Step aside, spaghetti and potatoes, your 'small, chubby children' gnocchi are here to steal the culinary spotlight! 🍝🥔😄 Let's embrace the deliciously adorable offspring of Italian cuisine with open arms and empty stomachs!"
3 months ago
Share →: Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

Commentary:
"Silence is golden 🤫, but duct tape is silver! ✨ When words fail, duct tape prevails – the unsung hero of solving all life's little problems. Just remember, everything is fixable with a roll of duct tape! 🎉"
5 months ago
Share →: I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

Commentary:
"Decisions, decisions! The eternal struggle between the angel on your shoulder (healthy food) and the devil on the other (Chinese food or pizza) 🥗🍕🍜. Looks like tonight, the battle of the taste buds will be epic! Bon appétit with a side of inner conflict 😂🍽️!"
5 months ago
Share →: A moth flies into your face out of nowhere. You could ask him why he does that, but what would you do with the information?

Commentary:
🦋 Just when you thought you had all the answers, a moth swoops in to ask the real questions. Maybe it's on a mission to share the secrets of the universe… or it just has terrible depth perception. Either way, I guess we'll never know! 🤷‍♂️
2 weeks ago
Share →: I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

Commentary:
"Sending positive vibes and bed sheets for everyone's well-being! 😜🛌 #MentalHealthMatters"
5 months ago
Share →: Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

Commentary:
"Looks like New Year's resolutions are already testing the bonds of marriage! 🙈💍 Who knew being independent could be so risky? 😂 #MarriageStruggles"