714 Funny people quotes

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs wild nights out or teenage rebellions when you can mess up your life the old-fashioned way – with pure determination and stubbornness! 🌟💪 Here's to proving that you don't need to follow the traditional paths to achieve epic levels of chaos. Keep breaking the molds, my friend! 🎉😂"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

  Commentary:
  "Taking a stroll equipped with both dog treats and people treats? 🐶🍬 Better watch out for those mix-ups! One accidental snack swap could lead to some very confused (and possibly offended) companions. Stay vigilant, treat distributor extraordinaire!"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the rare breed of forever strange beings! 👽 Embracing weirdness from day one – a true pioneer of peculiar! 🚀 Who needs to change with age when you're bizarre from the start? 🤪 Stay wonderfully odd, my friend! 🌟"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

  Commentary:
  "Women are like human calculators, knowing their kids' stats down to the decimal point, while men are just trying to keep up with the tiny tornadoes running amok in the house 🤷‍♂️📆. Who needs detailed info when you've got chaos and cuteness in equal measure?"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.

  Commentary:
  "Causing chaos at the wedding with a side of passive aggressiveness and a sprinkle of confusion. 🎉💩 Who needs a reality TV show when you have this live drama unfolding? 😂"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the eternal struggle of the comedian: to be robbed of laughs or deprived of them entirely. 🤔💼 Either way, at least your jokes are making an impact… even if it's in someone else's set! 😂 #ComedyStruggles"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

  Commentary:
  "Spread your life tales like sprinkles on a cupcake 🧁. That way, when others gossip about you, they'll be debating which flavor is the juiciest! 🎤💬 #LifeOfMystery"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Many people mistakenly believe that diamond is the hardest substance on earth, but in reality it is my husband’s stubborn head.

  Commentary:
  "💎 Diamond may be tough, but it's no match for the unyielding fortitude of a husband's stubborn head! 💪🤣 Who knew love could be so rock-solid? 🤦‍♂️ #StubbornHusbands #TougherThanDiamonds"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

  Commentary:
  "Dear deodorant manufacturers, if your product really lasts 72 hours, does that mean I can hibernate for 3 days and still smell fresh? 🤔 Meanwhile, my bus ride feels like a never-ending aroma adventure thanks to your 'long-lasting' promise! 🚌🤢 #PublicTransportStruggles"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs enlightenment when you've got bacon sizzling in the pan? 🥓🙏 Bacon worship at its finest! 😄 #BaconOverBeliefs"

For even more funny people quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny people quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌