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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Spending 5 minutes looking up every word I want to use in a sentence to make sure I can define it in case they ask.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Women in movies look so beautiful when they sleep. Meanwhile, I’m tossing and turning all night like a forgotten 7-Eleven hot dog.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

779 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,941

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,941

55 minutes ago

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

God: “I told you to love thy neighbor – not start trade wars with them.”

Seen just now on Telegram:

Your in his DMs, I’m on Etsy paying a witch to put a spell on him.

Seen just now on Threads:

Whenever I feel like I hate my job, I remind myself that I could be a food taster for the emperor.

Spotted on YouTube:

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m at the age where unnecessary noise be pissing me off.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

Just landed via X:

You ever notice how when you get home from food shopping, the kids turn into airport security?

Reported on Telegram:

Living up to your potential sounds exhausting.

Seen just now on Discord:

It infuriates me that computer Scrabble doesn’t get mad when I win even though I’m livid when it wins.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Still writing the old year on all my ransom notes.

Home » Funny Plant Quotes » Page 2

15 Funny plant quotes

More funny plant quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: The plant app says that I either watered my plant too much or not enough. Very helpful. Thanks!

Commentary:
Looks like your plant app is being about as helpful as a magic eight ball! 🪴💦🚱 Maybe it's time to switch to a Plant Psychic app instead? 🔮😂
6 months ago
Share →: Plants are like “I’ll have a light lunch.”

Commentary:
Plants be like: "Photosynthesis? More like photOOPSynthesis, gotta watch my figure 🌿🥗"
6 months ago
Share →: I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Commentary:
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. 🌿🦊 Who knew veggies could be the silent enemies all along? Watch out, broccoli, I've got my eyes on you!"
6 months ago
Share →: Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

Commentary:
"Buying house plants is like playing Russian roulette with greenery! 🌱💥 Maybe it's time to invest in a cactus – those things are the true survivors of the plant world! 🌵😂"
6 months ago
Share →: Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

Commentary:
Well, that's a fruitbowl of paradox! 🤔🍉 Are they secretly growing seedless seeds? Do they have a seed black market? Or maybe unicorns are involved in this melon mystery? 🦄🌱 It truly is a riddle wrapped in a watermelon 🍉, or should I say, a seedless mystery wrapped in green! Let's just enjoy the melons and leave the seed sourcing to the pros! 🌟

For even more funny plant quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny plant quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

779 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,941

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,941

55 minutes ago

3,435

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

The heart wants what it wants, but it’s not the only organ that has a vote.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Sometimes, fasting from people is also important.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I’m starting to think that the secret to having a happy life is avoiding people.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Being an iPad baby must be so exciting. Imagine going from nine dull months in the womb to playing Candy Crush.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

If you’re dating an alpha female, you need to know that they need to be babied at night, or else they will turn into a dragon.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

Wanna know what the 90’s were like? Put your phone down and go outside.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

Shared recently on Slack:

I would rather lose you than the argument.

Trending via TikTok:

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Spotted on Facebook:

I didn’t believe in karma until I was scheduled to work at 6am on a holiday.

Spotted on Twitch:

I wanted to study psychology, but I have more potential as a patient, to be honest.

Making waves on Instagram:

Double chins are better than double faces.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Geometry is a scam. What do you mean “prove it’s a triangle”? Just look at it.

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