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Funny prepared quotes

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  • To cut the long story short, I have spent all my money.

    Commentary:
    Well, guess now it’s a short story about a very long wallet! 😂💸📉

  • If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

    Commentary:
    Centuries of drama, betrayal, and power moves — like Game of Thrones but with incense 💨👑📖

  • Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

    Commentary:
    Can’t argue with that! Bed is basically the VIP lounge of adulting! 😴🛏️💪

  • Reading about two insects who fall in love in Italy. It’s a Rome ants novel.

    Commentary:
    That pun just bugged me in the best way 🐜🇮🇹💘

  • I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

    Commentary:
    Eye of newt, spite of ex—let’s get petty, medieval style 🧙‍♀️🕯️📜

  • I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

    Commentary:
    Now that’s camp—serving looks and getting sacrificed to the fashion gods 🔥👠🌋

  • You have been a very bad boy. Now go to my room!

    Commentary:
    Oh no, not the dreaded “bedroom penalty” 😱😄 Guess I’ll need a timeout… or a snack in there! 🍪🚪

  • How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

    Commentary:
    Just one—if it’s bright enough to cause an existential crisis 💡🤯🌀

  • Maybe the clouds, trees, and flowers love looking at you too.

    Commentary:
    Haha, clearly I’m a whole nature documentary waiting to happen! 🌿🌸☁️😂

  • Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

    Commentary:
    Classic! Looks like forgetfulness runs in the family—and in your grocery cart! 😂🛒📝

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