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Funny shave quotes

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  • Pretty sure I need to go back to bed and sleep for 3 days.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the classic Monday morning motto! 😴💤 Who needs coffee when you can just hibernate like a bear for a few days? 🐻 Just make sure to set an alarm for 72 hours later! ⏰😂”

  • Mud season creeps up on us every year, destroying hearts and minds as well as light grey carpeting.

    Commentary:
    Ah, the infamous mud season – nature’s way of reminding us that we are no match for its power! 😂🌧️ Who knew a simple combination of water, dirt, and poor flooring choices could wreak such havoc on hearts, minds, and interior decor? Here’s to hoping our carpets survive this muddy apocalypse! 🙏🏽🤣 #MudSeasonStruggles

  • “Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs beauty sleep when you can have a full-on beauty hibernation? 💤🚮 #SleepingBeautyGoneWrong”

  • If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

    Commentary:
    “Feeling invisible? Just default on a payment or two and watch the VIP treatment arrive faster than you can say ‘overdraft fee’ 😂💸 #MoneyTalks #PayToPlay”

  • Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs the sun to dictate our schedule when we have blackout curtains? 😎⏰ No sunlight, no problem! The power of sleep and darkness compels us! 😂🌚 #SleepGoals”

  • I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

    Commentary:
    🤷‍♂️ “I don’t get mad, I get impressed with life’s consistency in testing my patience. It’s like a daily pop quiz I never asked for, but hey, let’s roll with it. Bring it on, universe! 🙄”

  • Dogs are man’s best friend because a dog would never blindside you with a group chat.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs group chat drama when you can have a loyal dog who cuddles you instead? 🐶💬 No sudden notifications, just unconditional love! 🐾 #DogIsMyBestFriend”

  • I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

    Commentary:
    “Sounds like you’ve mastered the art of tiredness – retired today, re-tired tomorrow! 😂💤”

  • I’ve never really had a beach body, but my snowman body is coming along quite nicely.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs a beach body when you can rock a snowman bod all year round?! ⛄️👙 Winter is your season to shine… literally! ❄️ #SnowmanGoals”

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