Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Apparently, when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended!

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

My brain logged me out due to inactivity, and I can’t remember the password.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Lord, take away my suffering and give it to anyone who’s ever said, ‘Hey, Grok.’

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,350

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Architects should try and design a house with no yelling.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

You guys can continue with the week, I’ve stopped here.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

Making waves on Slack:

Why do babies cry when they are tired? Like, just go to sleep, bro, no one is stopping you.

Trending via Pinterest:

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

Trending via Threads:

I never wanted to become one of those adults who just find the music of the younger generation annoying. Nobody could have guessed that the music was just annoying.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

A dating app for people who are way too into cookies, called Crumble.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The younger generation will never know the fear and anxiety of calling your friend’s house, and their parents answer the phone.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I have the bruises of a much more active person.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

12 Funny spouse quotes

Funny spouse quotes add a humorous spin to the dynamics of married life. 😆❤️ From witty observations about couple quirks to playful jabs at shared experiences, these quotes celebrate the joy and laughter in a relationship. Enjoy a laugh and cherish the lighter moments with your better half! 😂💑

New funny spouse quotes 👇

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

14 hours ago

asking, communication, death, decision making, dinner, humor, just, love, marriage, question, relationship, reply, replying, spouse, us, want
I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

15 hours ago

again, annoy, commitment, dead, death, humor, i, ID, marriage, married, relationship, someone, spouse, think, us
I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

19 hours ago

caught, cream, diet, dieting, eat, eating, food, going, humor, husband, i, ice, ice cream, last, last night, night, relationship, second, spouse, together
The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event.

1 month ago

after, being, best, communication, debrief, event, having, marriage, married, person, relationship, social, social event, spouse
Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

2 months ago

dating, hospital, humor, mental, mental hospital, relationship, someone, spouse, Twitter
Three serious exes is the right amount before you meet your spouse. You need one truly evil one, one normal one, and one situationship, and then you’ve basically experienced all dating has to offer.

2 months ago

amount, before, breakup, dating, evil, evil ex, ex, experience, humor, love, meet, need, normal, normal ex, offer, relationship, right, serious, situationship, spouse, three, truly
Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

2 months ago

bad, bad day, day, end, humor, marriage, relationship, spouse, work
Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

2 months ago

diet, eat, hiding, humor, marriage, relationship, snacks, spouse
Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

2 months ago

course, crush, delusion, going, humor, leave, love, reality, relationship, spouse, work
Getting married soon. Just need a spouse.

2 months ago

commitment, engagement, getting, humor, just, love, marriage, married, need, relationship, soon, spouse, wedding

For even more funny spouse quotes, hit next 👇

All funny spouse quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

39 shares on Slack this month:

Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

46 shares on Reddit this month:

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

Weirdos gonna weird.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m really hoping money falls from the sky this week, or else I’m doomed.

51 shares on TikTok this month:

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

94 shares on Instagram this month:

Out of sheer boredom, I opened the front door and rang the doorbell. I was so happy.

71 shares on Discord this month:

Stop roasting yourself, you’re not a marshmallow.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

Therapy isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about being your therapist’s favorite patient.

48 shares on Discord this month:

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

When you’re late for work, you gotta walk in fast and act like you’re mad.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I didn’t ghost you, I saved you from me.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel like waking up early on the weekend is so disrespectful.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,603

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

If we hadn’t made them extinct, instead of Kung Fu Panda we could have had Tae Kwon Dodo.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

All my passwords are protected by short term memory loss.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

The phrase “don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

The only reason I insist on returning to the office is because my cat needs a break from me staring at him all day.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Forget about “long story short”… I’m gonna start saying “short story long,” and take you on a journey you didn’t ask for.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

NFTs were less about the money and more about the friends you scammed along the way.

Just landed via Discord:

I know stretching every day will help me, but I don’t want to do it.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

Going bananas on Facebook:

The universe clearly isn’t working as it should so someone should turn it off and back on again.

Trending via TikTok:

You didn’t lock in hard enough if you’re not feeling asexual.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I would like to have the peace of mind of a cow. I already have the body.

Spotted on X:

The cool side of the pillow just stole my boyfriend.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I think every app should, by law, let you deactivate all of its short-form video content.

Going viral on Telegram:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴