12 funny spouse quotes - Wordgag ツ

The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event.

Feb 3, 2026

Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

Feb 2, 2026

Three serious exes is the right amount before you meet your spouse. You need one truly evil one, one normal one, and one situationship, and then you’ve basically experienced all dating has to offer.

Feb 1, 2026

Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

Feb 1, 2026

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

Jan 31, 2026

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

Jan 29, 2026

Getting married soon. Just need a spouse.

Jan 22, 2026

You have to be careful about sending your spouse things on social media. You send too many things, next thing you know chores are being redistributed because of “all the free time you clearly have”.

Jan 21, 2026

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

Jan 21, 2026

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

Jan 19, 2026

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Jan 19, 2026

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

Jan 19, 2026