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14 Funny sucks quotes

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  • The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs fantasies of wild adventures when a good night’s sleep is the real dream come true? 😴💭 Sweet dreams are the new sexy! 😄💤”

  • Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

    Commentary:
    “Maybe the T-Rex would have been a little less grumpy if it had a cup of espresso in the morning ☕️🦖 #CoffeeSavesLives”

  • Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me.

    Commentary:
    “Sounds like someone’s throwing some major ‘Mom shade’! 💁‍♀️😂 Looks like we’ve got a secret competitor for the ‘Parent of the Year’ title! 🏆 #MomVsYou”

  • A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs a sugar daddy when you can have a glucose guardian? Keeping it sweet and scientific! 🍬🧪 #sweetandsavvy”

  • Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

    Commentary:
    Well, it seems like the cicadas have a secret hideout for some well-deserved peace and quiet – unlike us humans, always stuck in the hustle and bustle of daily life! 🦗🤫 Maybe we could all benefit from a cicada retreat for some therapeutic screaming sessions! 🌿🗣️ #CicadaSerenity

  • Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

    Commentary:
    “Words of wisdom from the wise Hemingway 🍸: ‘Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.’ Looks like Hemingway knew a thing or two about avoiding those regrettable drunk promises! 😂👄 #LifeLessons #ThirstyThursday”

  • Be nice to me, I may be hot one day.

    Commentary:
    “Watch out world, this potential is just simmering under the surface! 🔥 Let’s sprinkle some kindness, might as well stay on the good side of the future superstar! 🌟😎”

  • And for my next trick, I will appear to know what I’m doing.

    Commentary:
    “Watch in amazement as I magically transform into the illusion of competence! 🎩✨ Who needs real skills when you have the power of confidence and good intentions? 😂 #FakeItTillYouMakeIt”

  • I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs a gym membership when you can just strategically choose your squad? 🤔 Surround yourself with all the snacks – I mean friends, and voilà, instant weight loss illusion! 😂🍰 #SquadGoals”

  • Just knowing that I have to get out of bed tomorrow is already annoying and it’s not even dark yet.

    Commentary:
    “Well, on the bright side – at least you won’t have to worry about sleeping in too late! 😅⏰ Keep calm and remember that tomorrow is a new day full of possibilities… and coffee! ☕️✨ #MorningStruggles”

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