295 Funny think quotes

Trending Funny Think Quotes 🔥

I never learned to swim because I didn’t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.
I worry a lot about the wild animals in my neighborhood, but I’m beginning to think they don’t worry about me.
Sometimes I think about starting a podcast and then I remember all I do during conversations is nod.
I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.
I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

More funny think quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

Commentary:
"When faced with discomfort, simply channel your inner teenage self – the master of questionable decisions and rebellious choices! 💁‍♂️ But remember, this time opt for the mature and responsible route instead! Your future self will thank you for avoiding the drama! 🙌😅"
5 months ago
Share →: The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

Commentary:
Wow, sounds like the USA is really going through a rough patch! 👻 Maybe they should check if all those construction sites were on ancient Indian burial grounds after all! 💀 Let's hope they can appease those restless spirits with some good old American ingenuity and resilience! 🇺🇸✨
5 months ago
Share →: I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

Commentary:
"Brace yourselves, folks, for the newest hit single from the world-renowned artist Taylor Slow 🛩️🐢. Who needs a private jet when you can take things slow and steady, right? 😉 #LifeintheSlowLane"
5 months ago
Share →: I don’t think either person should pay for the first date. It should be on the house.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic dilemma of who foots the bill on the first date 🤔 Maybe we should just all agree to let the house cover it and avoid the awkward wallet dance 💁‍♂️🏡 Who knew real estate could be such a matchmaker? 😂 #DateNightOnTheHouse"
5 months ago
Share →: I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

Commentary:
"French fries: the unsung hero of relationships. 🍟💔 Next time, make sure to swipe right for someone who respects your fried potato boundaries! #frenchfrylove"
5 months ago
Share →: You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

Commentary:
Hmm, sounds like a solid strategy for expanding your vocabulary Scottish-style! 🏴 Just throw in some gibberish with a thick accent and watch the puzzled nods roll in. Who needs a dictionary when you've got a bonnie way with words like "janglers" and "tary bibbit"? 😉
5 months ago
Share →: Sometimes I just say “no idea” because I’m too lazy to think.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'no idea' move – the perfect blend of indifference and laziness! 🤷‍♂️ Who needs thoughtful responses when you can just cruise on the 'no idea' express? 😂 #LazyBrainsUnite"
5 months ago
Share →: My friends have canceled our dinner plans two nights in a row. I’m starting to think they don’t like dinner.

Commentary:
"Oh no, sounds like your friends might be on a hunger strike against dinner plans! 🍔🥗 Maybe they're secretly campaigning for breakfast-for-dinner instead! 🍳🥞 Hang in there, maybe third time's the charm! 🤞😄"
5 months ago
Share →: Just saying “Think about it!” is enough to overwhelm many people these days.

Commentary:
"Simply uttering 'Think about it!' nowadays can send people into a mental tailspin 🤯💭 Who knew critical thinking could be such a daunting task in the age of information overload? 🧐💥 #DeepThoughts"
5 months ago
Share →: According to “The Hobbit”, Gollum was once a handsome young man who was robbed of his youth, zest for life and energy by putting on a ring. Men, think about it!

Commentary:
Well, ladies and gentlemen, if you needed another reason to skip wearing those fancy rings, here it is! 💍 Gollum's cautionary tale reminds us that sometimes bling comes with a price – and that price might just be your youth and zest for life! 😅 Sorry ladies, no more "put a ring on it" for us, right? 💁‍♂️ #RingFreeLife