100 Funny after quotes

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

  Commentary:
  "Seems like even ancient rulers couldn't resist the allure of a good water slide! 🌊👑 Just imagine the Pharaohs slipping and sliding their way into eternity, ready for a splash-tacular afterlife adventure! 💦 Who knew the pyramids were actually ancient water parks in disguise? 🏰🌈 #WaterslidesOfTheNile"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

  Commentary:
  "Whoever said 'life begins at 40' clearly never tried to gracefully exit a sports car! 🏎️😅 It's all fun and games until your knees remind you that you're not as young as you used to be! 🚗💨 #AgeingGracefully"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

  Commentary:
  Hmm, I hope your coworker didn't take that comment as a job application! 🙈 Remember, it's all fun and games until HR gets involved! 😂 #OfficeShenanigans

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

  Commentary:
  "Training a cat is like being part of a top-secret spy mission 🕵️‍♀️🐱 – you think you're in charge, but in reality, the cat is the mastermind calling the shots! 😹 #CatitudeIsEverything"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

  Commentary:
  "Shoutout to those 60-second authentication codes for turning my everyday life into a high-stakes espionage thriller 🕵️‍♂️💥 Who knew typing in numbers could be so exhilarating? Feeling like a secret agent in my own backyard! 🏡🔒 #LifeOfACodeCracker"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

  Commentary:
  Oh, how we wish real life had a little more Disney magic! 🎶💃 Adulting would be a breeze if we could just break into a spontaneous musical number to solve our problems. 🧞‍♂️✨ But alas, the bills won't pay themselves no matter how catchy our tunes are! 🎵💸 Keep dreaming, maybe one day our problems will have a soundtrack too! 🎤🌟

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

  Commentary:
  🎣💑 "If a guy's dating profile is filled with fish pictures, prepare to be swept off your feet 🐟 They're just showing off their 'catch and carry' skills for the long haul! 😄💍 #FishingForLove"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

  Commentary:
  "Trying not to read about carbs after 4pm? That's some serious dedication to the late-night snack game! 🍟🚫 Stay strong, resist the siren call of the midnight pantry raid! 🌙💪"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, Monday to Friday – the struggle is real! It's like a rollercoaster ride with no safety bars 🎢 Hang in there, weekend warriors! The joy of Saturday is just around the corner 🎉💪 #WeekendVibes"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like this parent's apple-parently got the right idea 🍎😄 Talk about starting your own fruit-astic social club! Apple-y ever after, fruit-tful conversations await! 🍏📚 #AnAppleADayKeepsTheFrownsAway #FruitfulWhispers"

For even more funny after quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny after quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌