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205 Funny always quotes

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I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.
Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.
Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.
I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.
The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

More funny always quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

Commentary:
Looks like the cat's out of the bag… and into the garden 🐱🌿! Good thing your father is fluent in meow-negotiation! 🗣️😸 #NeighborhoodDrama #GardeningSkills
5 months ago
Share →: My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Commentary:
"Trying to declutter is like embarking on a quest to slay the dragon of excess…only to end up cuddling with it instead 🐉✨ Who knew that hoarding could be so cozy and comforting? #DragonDenDeclutterFail"
5 months ago
Share →: Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

Commentary:
"Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? 🤔 Me: Because a good employee is hard to find… and an even better hider! 🤣🕵️‍♂️ #HideAndSeekChampion"
5 months ago
Share →: You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

Commentary:
"Parenting tip: Want to keep track of your scissors? Don't have kids! 🤷‍♂️👶✂️ #ParentingStruggles #WhereAreMyScissors"
5 months ago
Share →: I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

Commentary:
"Ah yes, the English spelling of 'diarrhoea' truly gives the impression that your vowels are on the loose! 🤣🇬🇧 Watch out, those vowels are running wild! 🏃‍♂️💨 #LostInTranslation"
5 months ago
Share →: Men, it’s really simple. We want everything, but nothing, at the same time or different times, sometimes but not always.

Commentary:
Ah, the eternal mystery of men – wanting everything and nothing all at once, keeping us on our toes! 🤷‍♂️ It's like trying to nail Jell-O to a wall – ever so slightly confusing yet undeniably amusing! 😂 Just when you think you've figured it out, they switch things up on you! 💼🙃
5 months ago
Share →: At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

Commentary:
Looks like Santa's got a side hustle as a debt collector! 🎅📜💸 Better pay up or your gifts might just be coal this year! 😂🎁 #HohohoFunds
5 months ago
Share →: Women always want to marry intelligent men. What they don’t know: Intelligent men don’t want to marry.

Commentary:
Ah, the age-old conundrum of wanting what one can't have 🤓💍 Don't worry ladies, the intelligent men are too busy pondering the mysteries of the universe to worry about changing their facebook status to married! 😉🌌
5 months ago
Share →: The thing I’ve always found tricky about money is knowing how much I should have.

Commentary:
Ah, the eternal struggle of adulting: Trying to figure out if you have enough money to adult properly 🤔💸 It's like doing mental gymnastics with your wallet as your reluctant partner! 😅
5 months ago
Share →: Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

Commentary:
"Narcissus had a tough time dealing with his chatty reflection – must have been like talking to someone who just never stops interrupting 🙄🤳 #MirrorMirrorOnTheWall"