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183 Funny always quotes

As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital.

3 months ago

“Why does my back always hurt?”, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair.

3 months ago

The answer is always no, I did not get enough sleep.

3 months ago

Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.

3 months ago

I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

3 months ago

Money is always a motive for murder. Stay broke.

3 months ago

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

3 months ago

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

3 months ago

It’s weird how the UFO’s always seem to crash in places that only the government and military have access to.

3 months ago

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

3 months ago

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

3 months ago

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

3 months ago

Did the people you had a crush on always like you back or are you funny?

3 months ago

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

3 months ago

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

3 months ago

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

3 months ago

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

3 months ago

I always tell my kids that it’s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

3 months ago

Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

3 months ago

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

3 months ago