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New funny quotes: 10 this month

15,835 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: Jun 19, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

309 Funny always quotes

Funny always quotes are all about those habits or situations that never seem to change — no matter how much we wish they would! 🙄😂 Whether it’s always being late, always forgetting your keys, or always saying “just one more episode,” these quotes remind us that some things are just a constant source of humor. Guess some things are just meant to stay the same! 😂🔁⏰

When someone says “I expected more of you”, I’m always like “well who’s fault is that?”

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Remember: when a band skips your city on tour, it is always personal and they always hate you specifically.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Why do people always assume it’s a compliment when I tell them their baby looks just like them?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

“Topless” doesn’t always mean breasts or a convertible. Sometimes it also means the brain.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You may think no one is there for you, but there’s laundry. Laundry is always there for you.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

AI is that friend who is always there for you but gives terrible advice.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Why do men always think “looking for fun” means sex? Wat if I want us to draw?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The way some people hold their cell phone to make a call, I always think they’re trying to take a bite out of a sandwich.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Brainwashing is always considered terrible and horrible. But there are many brains that would benefit from a wash.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

In an alternate universe, the hard way is always learning me.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

It’s always annoying to be woken up by some guy mowing his lawn. Just go around me, man.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’m clumsy but there are upsides. For example, if I finish my chips and I’m sad there’s no more chips, I look in my lap and I always find chips.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Everyone has these three colleagues: The one who is always cold. The one who is always hungry. The one who is always tired. I am everything in one.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Summer is here. Always put on some suncream to help the rain run off.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”

Posted onMay 21, 2026

People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

Posted onMay 21, 2026

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I’m always best at the things I shouldn’t do.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

You should always wear a helmet when doing dangerous things or talking about politics.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I always say “it’s so expensive” and then buy it nonetheless.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

“This was on sale!” is why I’m always broke.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I’ll never understand why the volume in movies is always mixed in such a way that you can barely understand the dialog and your neighbor gets war flashbacks during action scenes.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

Posted onMay 21, 2026

There are advantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it. There are disadvantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

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