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Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

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15,835 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: Jun 19, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

309 Funny always quotes

Funny always quotes are all about those habits or situations that never seem to change โ€” no matter how much we wish they would! ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜‚ Whether it’s always being late, always forgetting your keys, or always saying “just one more episode,” these quotes remind us that some things are just a constant source of humor. Guess some things are just meant to stay the same! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ”โฐ

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

11 out of 10 women are always right.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I donโ€™t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldnโ€™t.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

The best proof that fairy tales are fictional is the fact that the prince is always an intelligent and handsome single man.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, thatโ€™s why trolling them is so vital.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

“Why does my back always hurt?โ€, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

The answer is always no, I did not get enough sleep.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Money is always a motive for murder. Stay broke.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Aliens will always remain unidentified because theyโ€™re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Nobody will know youโ€™re stoned if youโ€™re always stoned.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Itโ€™s weird how the UFOโ€™s always seem to crash in places that only the government and military have access to.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Did the people you had a crush on always like you back or are you funny?

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Always remember, if you ever need me, Iโ€™m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I was always told to eat all my food so that Iโ€™d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I always do my best sleeping in the 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I always tell my kids that itโ€™s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Summer is the best because thereโ€™s always a chance Iโ€™ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, itโ€™s only half the distance.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

Posted onMay 20, 2026

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid whoโ€™s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile. Because you’re a joke.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

As someone who lives on earth, rising sea levels are alarming. But as someone who has always wanted to be a mermaid, Iโ€™m intrigued.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

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