49 funny belief quotes - Wordgag ツ

“There’s a reason religion tells you your reward is after death; it keeps you quiet while you’re being exploited alive.”

Feb 3, 2026

Good morning to everyone who still believes what they see with their own two eyes.

Feb 3, 2026

What no one ever considers is that the kids are pretending to believe in Santa for the sake of the parents.

Feb 3, 2026

Before you laugh at kids who believe in Santa, remember there are grown men who believe that Cristiano Ronaldo is a better footballer than Lionel Messi.

Feb 3, 2026

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

Feb 3, 2026

I still haven’t heard one good argument why I should stop believing in Santa.

Feb 3, 2026

Some people believe the appendix is a vestigial organ, that its use has long since passed. I think it’s primordial. Its use has yet to come.

Feb 3, 2026

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

Feb 2, 2026

You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

Feb 1, 2026

I do believe in aliens, but do they also believe in me?

Jan 31, 2026

Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

Jan 31, 2026

Peak delusion is believing that a paragraph will make someone treat you better.

Jan 31, 2026

Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

Jan 31, 2026

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

Jan 30, 2026

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

Jan 30, 2026

I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

Jan 30, 2026

TV lead me to believe grave digging would be a lot easier.

Jan 30, 2026

People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

Jan 30, 2026

The belief that software engineers are uniquely intelligent has done unimaginable damage on society.

Jan 30, 2026

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed their chest because of their belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Jan 30, 2026

With all the fake information out there, I refuse to believe scales or mirrors.

Jan 30, 2026

The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

Jan 29, 2026

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Jan 28, 2026

If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

Jan 28, 2026

I believe in you. I also believe in Bigfoot so don’t get too excited.

Jan 23, 2026

I asked my boyfriend if he believed in trolls and elves and he said, “slightly.”

Jan 22, 2026

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

Jan 22, 2026

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Jan 22, 2026

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

Jan 22, 2026

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

Jan 22, 2026

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

Jan 21, 2026

Engagement photo shoots are so funny as a concept. Like girl, we believed you.

Jan 21, 2026

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Jan 21, 2026

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

Jan 21, 2026

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

Jan 21, 2026

I’m not religious but I know there’s a hell because Monopoly exists.

Jan 20, 2026

I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

Jan 20, 2026

Ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers.

Jan 20, 2026

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

Jan 20, 2026

I’m going to hell in every religion.

Jan 20, 2026