Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I will marry a man who treats me delicately as if I’m a gift straight from heaven.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I have problems, you’re there. Whenever I lose control, you’re there. Let’s face it, you are bad luck.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Awesome that January is over, but rude that our reward for getting through it is February.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Most guys probably just have a foot fetish because their first girlfriend was a sock.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

I used to love going out with people. Now I weigh the pros and cons of human interaction, like it’s a business decision.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,296

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Asking him what his favorite dinosaur is on the first date to determine compatibility.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I like that they put all that stuff outside for you to look at when you’re on a walk.

Trending via WeChat:

My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.

Making waves on Slack:

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Smash Mouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.

Trending via X:

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Seeing a BBL in real life is a reality-altering experience.

Just landed via Facebook:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need a special occasion to buy a cake.

Spotted on Facebook:

Julia Garner most confusing name because it calls to mind both Julia Roberts and Jennifer Garner, but she is neither.

Live now on Discord:

Walmart was wild as hell today, so I fit right in.

Funny broccoli quotes

Funny broccoli quotes 🥦 bring a fresh twist to your veggie vibes! Whether you love it or laugh at it, these playful sayings add a dash of humor to your greens 🥗. Perfect for sharing with friends or brightening up mealtime, get ready to see broccoli in a whole new light 🌟. Who knew healthy eating could be this hilarious? 😂🥦

New funny broccoli quotes 👇

They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

0

1 month ago

broccoli, cake, comparison, dessert, effort, fix, food, humor, least, problem, problems, say, sugar, well
Why is sugar SO addictive, and broccoli is just like, “I’ll be here when you need me”

0

2 months ago

addictive, broccoli, comparison, craving, food, health, humor, just, me, need, nutrition, sugar
Why can’t Chinese restaurants chop the broccoli in their dishes? I feel like I’m trying to fit an entire bonsai tree into my mouth.

0

2 months ago

bonsai, bonsai tree, broccoli, challenge, Chinese, Chinese restaurant, chop, dining, dining experience, dishes, eating, eating challenge, experience, feel, fit, food, food joke, humor, i, joke, mouth, restaurant, restaurants, tree, trying
I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

0

2 months ago

broccoli, comparison, feel, feeling, grocery, grocery store, humor, i, little, misty, nature, rain, store, unusual, unusual comparison

All funny broccoli quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

Having a toddler is wild. I’m getting breaking news about Peppa Pig.

60 shares on Twitch this month:

“Nothing burger” is such a funny phrase. Americans when nothing: so imagine a burger.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

30 shares on Slack this month:

I’m a little too self-aware to enjoy life, and a little too delusional to give up.

31 shares on Instagram this month:

In Hell, “Cotton Eye Joe” plays on an eternal loop. The heat and fire are actually pleasant compared to that.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

30 shares on Facebook this month:

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Your email finds me deeply unwell. Teetering on the edge really.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Millennials aren’t having kids because no one’s made lo-fi hip-hop beats to yell at your kids to.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile. Because you’re a joke.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If they can make a nuclear reactor small enough to power a submarine, why can’t they make one for my house?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Just looked around and realized it’s everyone’s first time living.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,680

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Most people think that I’m arrogant, but who cares what peasants think.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep!

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Fact: WhatsApp is the most boring app if you’re single.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Well, maybe grass should touch me for once. How about that?

Spotted on Telegram:

Some people can start a task and then just finish it instead of trying to do a hundred things at once, like a squirrel on crack.

Just shared via Snapchat:

My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Listen kid, I have social media profiles older than you.

Making waves on Telegram:

Being an adult feels like, “If I can just get through this week, I’ll be okay,” but it’s every damn week.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

Trending via Messenger:

I’m an optimist and i understand how annoying that is.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.

Going viral on Twitch:

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴