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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Trying to explain that I’m fascinated by Japan for wood joinery reasons and not nerd or pervert reasons.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

If you’re having trouble finding the match to one of your socks, throw it away and the missing one will immediately show up. Follow me for more life hacks.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

8 planets, 204 countries, thousands of islands, 7 seas, 8 billion people, and I’m single.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

799 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,961

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,961

18 minutes ago

3,432

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

Trending via Discord:

I need a long hot meteor shower.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

Trending via X:

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

Breaking via Facebook:

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Every day I ask ChatGPT if it knows where my keys are and if it ever knows the answer, I’m suing everybody.

Just landed via WeChat:

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Gardeners are the only people who willingly go outside to get dirty, sweaty, bitten, and sunburned… and call it “relaxing”.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Home » Funny Conspiracy Quotes » Page 2

15 Funny conspiracy quotes

More funny conspiracy quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: Taylor Swift is a psyop designed to get my wife to hum little tunes here and there.

Commentary:
Looks like Taylor Swift is pulling some serious mind-control game on your wife! 🧐🎶 Who knew that catchy tunes could be the ultimate weapon of distraction in everyday life? Beware of the "Swiftie" effect taking over your household! 🤣🎵 #TaylorSwiftPsyop
6 months ago
Share →: The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

Commentary:
Watch out for those sneaky pigeons 🐦! They may seem harmless, but their coo could be the start of a revolution 🕊️💥. Remember, even the tiniest birds can have big plans! 🤣 #PigeonTakeover
6 months ago
Share →: Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

Commentary:
"Who needs small talk when you've got lizard people and secret government experiments on the menu?! 🕵️‍♂️🤫 Thanksgiving just got a whole lot spicier! 🦃👽 #ConspiracyTheoryBuffet"
6 months ago
Share →: Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

Commentary:
"Ah, the aliens are playing the ultimate prank! 🛸🌌 But hey, who's gonna believe someone whose favorite pastime is wearing a tinfoil hat, am I right? 👽😜"
6 months ago
Share →: It’s weird how the UFO’s always seem to crash in places that only the government and military have access to.

Commentary:
"Coincidence? I think not! 🛸👽 Good thing the government has Area 51 on speed dial for those extraterrestrial fender benders! 🤣✨ #GovernmentParkingOnly"

For even more funny conspiracy quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

799 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,961

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,961

18 minutes ago

3,437

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Self-cleaning conscience.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

I have found that there is usually a lot of day left at the end of my patience.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Mike is short for Micycle.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I like you. It just means that I’m not rude.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

No, I love darkness at 5pm and the death of a nation.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

I need something good to watch while I’m on my phone.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

The plant app says that I either watered my plant too much or not enough. Very helpful. Thanks!

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Damn girl, are you a plate of microwaved leftovers? Because you’re hot on the outside and cold on the inside.

Just shared via Discord:

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

Just landed via Discord:

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

Making waves on Telegram:

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.

Reported on WeChat:

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

Going viral on Discord:

I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

Going viral on Threads:

Instead of working on making myself a better person, I am going to purchase a cool new jacket.

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