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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror films to relax the viewer before sleeping.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, tomorrow is Christmas.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Ground beef implies the existence of sky beef.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Telling everyone I’m an undecided voter because I need the attention.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,338

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

I can’t sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

Trending via Slack:

Friends with consequences.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I don’t normally like to brag about expensive trips but I just got back from the grocery store.

Just shared via Twitch:

Noise cancelling headphones but for when the noises are coming from inside your head.

Trending via Discord:

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

If I shook my head at every stupid thing I saw, I’d have permanent whiplash.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Preparing for my beach vacation by watching Jaws.

Shared recently on Facebook:

No more ragebaiting around me, please. Let’s try joybaiting, perhaps even lovebaiting.

45 Funny drive quotes

More funny drive quotes 👇

If my coworker doesn’t stop asking questions on this Zoom meeting, I will drive across town and slap his face on the call.

2 months ago

asking, call, coworker, drive, frustration, humor, meeting, question, slap, stop, work, Zoom
Dear people, who drive without music playing, what do you do with your brain?

2 months ago

activity, boredom, brain, curiosity, drive, driving, humor, music, people, playing
Are they honking at me because I’m cute or because I can’t drive.

2 months ago

attention, confidence, cute, drive, driving, honking, humor, i, me, self-deprecation
I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

2 months ago

brain, drive, forget, humor, i, swear, swear word, word, words
Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

2 months ago

desire, drive, existential, humor, joke, life, live, relationship, sex, sex drive, will to live, yes
“Baby on board” Okay, well, can you tell him to drive faster?

2 months ago

baby, board, drive, faster, humor, okay, parenting, sarcasm, tell, well
Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

2 months ago

1, advice, afraid, always, caution, drive, driving, formula, Formula 1, humor, i, just, racing, rain
The best thing about work is the coffee machine and the drive home.

2 months ago

best, break, coffee, coffee machine, daily, daily routine, drive, home, humor, machine, office, routine, thing, work
I’d be less aggressive in the morning if I could drive to work in a tank.

2 months ago

aggressive, drive, humor, i, ID, less, morning, relief, stress, stress relief, tank, transportation, work
Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

2 months ago

$50 bill, 50, bill, bus, bus driver, drive, driver, funny situation, humor, joke, just, just drive, situation, spontaneity, transportation

For even more funny drive quotes, hit next 👇

All funny drive quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Messenger this month:

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

22 shares on Telegram this month:

My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

I had no social life in high school. Even my imaginary best friend had a date for the prom.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.”

45 shares on WeChat this month:

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

70 shares on Slack this month:

Why would I put money where my mouth is when wine exists?

49 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t think either person should pay for the first date. It should be on the house.

61 shares on Discord this month:

When you say “You’re going to hate me for this,” you’re making a very large assumption that I don’t hate you already.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Pretty sure the guy in front of me at McDonald’s ordered the rest of the food.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you’re stupid and you make bad decisions.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

In an alternate universe, the hard way is always learning me.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Men used to go to war, now they want to be the little spoon.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

They should invent a type of situation that improves.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

Making waves on Twitch:

Maybe Monday is more scared of us than we are of it… we don’t know.

Breaking via Pinterest:

There’s no reason to be bored flying on an airplane. Use the time to tell the person next to you your entire life story.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

Trending via WeChat:

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is completely stupid.

Just shared via Telegram:

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

Going viral on Facebook:

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The baddest women come into your life when you have 37 dollars left.

Activity Log ✨

45 Funny drive quotes

More funny drive quotes 👇

All funny drive quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨