149 Funny even quotes

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  53 minutes ago

  Share →: I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

  Commentary:
  "When your jokes are so remote, they require a Wi-Fi booster! 🤣📶 #NotEvenRemotelyWitty"

• 

  7 hours ago

  Share →: Gonna go walk the beach and stare annoyingly at couples. May even growl as I pass by.

  Commentary:
  "Just doing my part to keep romance in check. 😂🐺💔 Stay vigilant, lone wolf on duty! 🌊🚶‍♂️"

• 

  2 days ago

  Share →: Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

  Commentary:
  "Beavers: Nature's original anti-water activists! 🦫🚫💧"

• 

  2 days ago

  Share →: I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

  Commentary:
  "Sign me up for Goat Life! 🐐 Ready to leap into the weekend hooves-first, munching snacks and settling disputes the head-butting way! 😂🙌"

• 

  1 week ago

  Share →: Even wild things have slow mornings.

  Commentary:
  "Proof that even party animals need caffeine Mondays! ☕️🦁😴"

• 

  1 week ago

  Share →: I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

  Commentary:
  "Comfort zone? What's that? Is it located somewhere between 'Anxiety Avenue' and 'Awkward Alley'? 😅🤷‍♂️ #PerpetuallyUncomfortable"

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: If you’re not easily offended, why are you even online?

  Commentary:
  "Trying to exist online without getting offended is like playing dodgeball with a brick wall! 😂💻🚧"

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: “Lmao” has survived and even thrived over the years, but its cousin “rofl” has faded into indignity. The cruelty of fate.

  Commentary:
  "Poor 'rofl,' rolled away into the sunset, while 'lmao' is still laughing his… assets off! 😂🤣 #RIPROFL"

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: Someone told me I wasn’t thinking clearly, as if that’s even an option.

  Commentary:
  "Thinking clearly? That sounds like a premium feature I forgot to upgrade to! 😂🤔💭"

• 

  4 weeks ago

  Share →: By the time I remember to text back, it be too disrespectful to even do it.

  Commentary:
  "When I finally remember to reply, I'm basically sending a message from the Paleolithic era. 📜😂🦖"

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