240 Funny even quotes

• I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

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  1 week ago

  2006, available, date, even, humor, i, new, new year, nostalgia, sarcasm, take, time, used, want, year

• Women are actually very understanding if you’re honest with them, especially if they like you. You don’t even have to do all that lying.

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  2 weeks ago

  actually, communication, even, honesty, humor, lying, relationship, understanding, woman, women

• You don’t even have to date, by the way. You can just take a break from love and then randomly meet the actual love of your life somewhere you weren’t even supposed to be.

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  2 weeks ago

  actual, break, date, even, humor, just, life, love, meet, meeting, relationship, somewhere, take, unexpected, unexpected meeting

• Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

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  2 weeks ago

  anxiety, being, delay, even, humor, means, perfectionist, procrastinator, productivity, started, stress, work

• My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

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  3 weeks ago

  even, humor, i, management, procrastination, superpower, time, time management, wasting, wasting time

• For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

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  4 weeks ago

  broth, brother, called, cooking, even, family, guy, humor, never, once, pun, seen, wordplay

• Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

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  4 weeks ago

  animal, animal chase, chase, chased, chicken, childhood, complete, dog, even, funny memory, goat, memory, worse

• My ducks are not even remotely in a row. My ducks are in places no duck has ever gone before.

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  4 weeks ago

  before, chaos, confusion, duck, even, ever, gone, humor, metaphor, organization, originality, places, row

• Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.

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  4 weeks ago

  advice, authenticity, even, humor, liked, liking, people, pressure, self-acceptance, social, social pressure, stop, trying

• If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family?

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  1 month ago

  coming, even, family, footsteps, humor, member, relationship, speed, stairs, tell, weight

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