Commentary:
"Who needs candlelit dinners when you can bond over scavenging for canned goods together? 🥫💕 #ApocalypticRomance"
Commentary:
"Love is like trying to fall asleep during a thunderstorm – loud, unpredictable, and sometimes impossible to achieve 💤⛈️ Embrace the chaos, my sleep-deprived friend!"

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.
Commentary:
Oh, if only we could make annoying people just vanish with the tap of a button! 🕳️💥 Adios, dickheads – off to the trap door you go! Just think of all the peace and quiet we would have… until the next one inevitably pops up! 🙄 #TrapDoorDreams
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic case of wise words arriving a bit too late! 🤦♂️ Who needs hindsight when you have gravity on your side, right? 🙃 Remember, slipping is just an unexpected dance move waiting to happen! 💃 #SlipperyWhenFail"
Commentary:
"Sleeping beauties who doze off in an instant must live in a dreamland untouched by the woes of insomnia 😴✨. Meanwhile, the rest of us toss and turn, envying their pillow-perfect slumber! Sweet dreams, lucky souls! 💤😉"
Commentary:
Ah, November, the official start of turtleneck season and feeling personally victimized by daylight savings time. 🐢☁️ Who needs Vitamin D when you have an endless collection of cozy neck sweaters to hide in? Just remember, seasonal affective disorder is real, but so is the power of a good knit turtleneck! 💪 #TurtleneckTherapy

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.
Commentary:
"Who needs a snooze button when you can sleep like a champ all night long? 😴🌙 No midnight bathroom trips for this sleep superstar! 💪🚽 Sweet dreams and dry sheets, folks! 😄 #SleepGoals"

One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.
Commentary:
"Looks like this kid didn't just lose his balance, but gained a superpower! 🚲🐝 Must've been quite the buzzzzz. Talk about a 'stinging' revelation! 🤯😂"
Commentary:
"Ah, the fall equinox: the perfect excuse to blame the changing season for our moody behavior! 🍂❄️ Embracing our inner darkness while blaming it on the stars? Brilliant move, my friend, embrace the chill vibes and mysterious aura! 😂"