It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

Commentary:
"Who needs candlelit dinners when you can bond over scavenging for canned goods together? 🥫💕 #ApocalypticRomance"

Nothing humbles you faster than your phone slipping out of your hand and hitting your face.

Nothing humbles you faster than your phone slipping out of your hand and hitting your face.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic gravitational force reminder to stay humble 📱😂 Remember, even our trusty phones have a way of keeping us in check with a slap to the face when we least expect it! 💥🤦‍♂️ #GravityCheck"

Fall in love? I can barely fall asleep.

Fall in love? I can barely fall asleep.

Commentary:
"Love is like trying to fall asleep during a thunderstorm – loud, unpredictable, and sometimes impossible to achieve 💤⛈️ Embrace the chaos, my sleep-deprived friend!"

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

Commentary:
Oh, if only we could make annoying people just vanish with the tap of a button! 🕳️💥 Adios, dickheads – off to the trap door you go! Just think of all the peace and quiet we would have… until the next one inevitably pops up! 🙄 #TrapDoorDreams

“Careful. It's slippery!” - Everyone, after you've already slipped.

“Careful. It’s slippery!” – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic case of wise words arriving a bit too late! 🤦‍♂️ Who needs hindsight when you have gravity on your side, right? 🙃 Remember, slipping is just an unexpected dance move waiting to happen! 💃 #SlipperyWhenFail"

I wonder if people that fall asleep right away know that we hate them.

I wonder if people that fall asleep right away know that we hate them.

Commentary:
"Sleeping beauties who doze off in an instant must live in a dreamland untouched by the woes of insomnia 😴✨. Meanwhile, the rest of us toss and turn, envying their pillow-perfect slumber! Sweet dreams, lucky souls! 💤😉"

November is for turtlenecks and depression.

November is for turtlenecks and depression.

Commentary:
Ah, November, the official start of turtleneck season and feeling personally victimized by daylight savings time. 🐢☁️ Who needs Vitamin D when you have an endless collection of cozy neck sweaters to hide in? Just remember, seasonal affective disorder is real, but so is the power of a good knit turtleneck! 💪 #TurtleneckTherapy

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Commentary:
"Who needs a snooze button when you can sleep like a champ all night long? 😴🌙 No midnight bathroom trips for this sleep superstar! 💪🚽 Sweet dreams and dry sheets, folks! 😄 #SleepGoals"

One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.

One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.

Commentary:
"Looks like this kid didn't just lose his balance, but gained a superpower! 🚲🐝 Must've been quite the buzzzzz. Talk about a 'stinging' revelation! 🤯😂"

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Commentary:
"Ah, the fall equinox: the perfect excuse to blame the changing season for our moody behavior! 🍂❄️ Embracing our inner darkness while blaming it on the stars? Brilliant move, my friend, embrace the chill vibes and mysterious aura! 😂"