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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Stop worrying if people like you. They don’t.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Flirting back when you’re bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

You’re so productive for your wage.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Tried to be a responsible adult today. Won’t be doing that again.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,375

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

Imagine working at Pornhub. At like the corporate office as a developer or whatever. White collar. That’s gotta be a weird job. Working there has gotta be bloody weird.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Some hoodies don’t hoodie the way other hoodies hoodie.

Just shared via Discord:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

Just landed via TikTok:

The only time anyone should watch the news is to study how psychological manipulation works on the general public.

Seen just now on TikTok:

No revenge, because losing someone like me is enough.

Trending via Pinterest:

If you watch soccer backwards, it’s about 11 sad and 11 happy men who nag each other until they get along eventually.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The fatigue is reaching levels that shouldn’t even be possible.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I’m running out of people I like.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Setting up a camera to go and pretend you just woke up from bed is another level of mental illness.

Funny middle-aged quotes

Funny middle-aged quotes bring a smile 😄 to the quirks and joys of hitting the big 4-0 and beyond! 🎉 Whether it’s about embracing gray hairs, unexpected naps 💤, or rediscovering the art of dad jokes 🤪, these witty lines turn midlife moments into pure comedy gold. Ready to laugh at the fabulous chaos of middle age? Let’s dive in and celebrate the fun side of getting wiser (and funnier)! 🎈✨

New funny middle-aged quotes 👇

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

0

2 months ago

age, drinking, feeling, going, half, hangover, humor, math, middle-aged, morning, next, party, twice, waking
I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

0

2 months ago

every, existential, goals, humor, i, identity, just, life, life goals, middle-aged, nostalgia, person, remember, want, wanted

All funny middle-aged quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Instagram this month:

You know shit’s about to get real when I put on yoga pants before dessert.

61 shares on TikTok this month:

So I just keep making dinner? Every night of my life? For forever?

92 shares on X this month:

I don’t know who is writing my story, but they got to throw in a win somewhere or put the pen down. I need a break.

58 shares on Telegram this month:

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t mean to brag, but I can forget what I’m saying while I’m saying it.

33 shares on Discord this month:

Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.

27 shares on X this month:

Fifty shades of I miss you.

98 shares on WeChat this month:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

16 shares on X this month:

The worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that they’re playing nicely together.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My spirit animal is that one bird that knocks itself unconscious, flying into windows.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The answer is always no, I did not get enough sleep.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I’ll eventually be able to get back in it.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want to experience hunger, go and live with a wealthy person or family.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,537

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

My life started becoming a mess when I was put in charge of my own bedtime.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

If I’m not spoken to, my morning grumpiness goes almost unnoticed.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

I hate when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I don’t even know what I’m doing today.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

Can’t, I’m pulling it together.

Going bananas on X:

I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

Making waves on Discord:

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

Shared recently on Twitch:

God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

Trending via Discord:

I’m a fully functional adult with the energy levels of a hibernating bear.

Making waves on Messenger:

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

Just shared via Telegram:

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

Making waves on YouTube:

Right before rock bottom, you’ll have a city builder game on your phone.

Seen just now on WeChat:

You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

Making waves on Pinterest:

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

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