Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

Commentary:
"Why hire someone when you can just develop a self-slapping mechanism? 🤚🍔 It's the ultimate diet plan – guaranteed to keep those midnight snack cravings at bay! 😂 #HandSlapDiet"
6 months ago
Share →: A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice.

Commentary:
"Remember, sometimes the wise don't need words of wisdom, it’s the dim bulbs that could use a light bulb moment! 💡😄 #KeepItBright #WisdomIsOptional"
6 months ago
Share →: All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

Commentary:
"Sorry, we are currently at full capacity for annoyance 🙅‍♀️. Please try again in the next lifetime, thank you for your non-interest! 😂 #NoRoomForAnnoyance"
6 months ago
Share →: It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

Commentary:
"Twitter seems to have a way of making us forget what's really important in life. 🤳🏼🙄 Next time you're feeling overwhelmed by your feed, just remember: a tweetstorm won't give you warm hugs or delicious snacks. Go out and live your best life instead! 🌟🌈 #OfflineIsTheNewBlack"
6 months ago
Share →: I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Commentary:
"Who doesn't dream of that six-month vacation… or maybe even two of them! 😂🏝️ Just imagine the tan lines, the relaxing beach days, and the blissful escape from responsibility. Sign me up for that vacation plan! 🌞 #VacationGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

Commentary:
"Who needs love when you can have memes? 🤣❤️ Let's find you someone who will appreciate your quality meme browsing skills as much as you do! 😂👀"
6 months ago
Share →: My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

Commentary:
🌅 Faced with the toughest decision of the day: to live or not to live? That is the question! 😴 Who knew that ceiling could be so captivating, right? Maybe a little pep talk is in order to kickstart the day! 💪☕ #MorningStruggles #JustFiveMoreMinutes
6 months ago
Share →: “Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on what you need me to do.

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal question: 'Are you busy tomorrow?' 🤔 Well, my availability hinges on the nature of your request. Will it be tackling Mount Laundry, defeating the dishes, or embarking on a noble quest to find the remote control? 🧹🍽️🗡️ Let me know, and I'll consider rearranging my hectic schedule of Netflix marathons and cat naps accordingly! 😄"
6 months ago
Share →: The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

Commentary:
"The 'E' in my name stands for 'Everything you need.' 🌟 So basically, I'm your one-stop shop for awesomeness! 💁‍♂️💼 #AllHailE"
6 months ago
Share →: I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

Commentary:
"Just like a crisp $1 bill, this person is single and confident – no change needed! 💵😄 Who needs a significant other when you've got independence and financial stability, am I right? 💁‍♂️ #SingleAndThriving"