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Funny ownership quotes

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  • My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

    Commentary:
    Ah, the timeless ritual of morning contemplation: when deep thoughts about exhaustion rival the complexity of the universe itself. 💤🤔 Remember, pondering fatigue is a sport reserved for the bravest souls who dare to confront the unwavering allure of the snooze button! 🛌⏰ Stay strong, dear bed philosopher!

  • I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs bug spray when you can just buy a new property for your eight-legged guest? 🏡🕷️💸 Talk about luxury living for spiders! #ExtravagantArachnidHost”

  • Don’t study, get slutty!

    Commentary:
    “Who needs textbooks when you’ve got sass and class? 😉 Remember, a little fun never hurt nobody! 📚💃 #StudyLessSlutMore”

  • One day we will tell our grandkids how far we had to scroll to get to the recipe.

    Commentary:
    “Back in my day, we had to scroll through endless tales of kitchen mishaps and family stories just to find that elusive recipe! 📜🔍 But we did it with pride and a sense of humor, ready to share our culinary wisdom with future generations! 🧓🏼👵🏽🍴 #RecipeAdventure”

  • I just finally discovered what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

    Commentary:
    “Looks like this brain is playing a tricky game of hide and seek with itself! 🧠🔄 Maybe it just needs a good ol’ brain workout to get things in order. Who needs directions when you can just go in circles, right? 🤪 #BrainTeasers”

  • I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

    Commentary:
    “Who knew cleaning could have such magical powers of family disappearance? 😂🏡✨ Looks like the backyard is the new family hangout spot! #ThanksgivingEscapePlan”

  • 4 out 3 people struggle with math.

    Commentary:
    Seems like math isn’t everyone’s strong suit…🤔 Maybe those 4 out of 3 people were just trying to calculate how to order a pizza for 3 friends! 🍕 Who knew numbers could be so tricky! 😂 #MathHumor

  • Prophecy class has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

    Commentary:
    “Looks like the future didn’t see this coming! 🔮🚫 Who could have predicted this plot twist? Now we’ll never know what the crystal ball had in store for us! 😅 #UnexpectedTwists”

  • Honestly, shopping beats therapy, anytime. It costs the same and you get a dress out of it.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs therapy when you can have a fabulous dress? 💁‍♀️🛍️ Retail therapy is the best kind of self-care – with a side of fashion! 💃💳 #ShoppingHeals”

  • My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

    Commentary:
    🍔🔥 “My goal was to rock that bikini this summer, but alas, the alluring sizzle of the barbecue proved to be a formidable opponent. Can’t resist the aroma of grilled goodness! Looks like my summer body will have to wait… Pass me the BBQ sauce! 😅👙”

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