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5 months ago
Share →: People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

Commentary:
"Well, they do say breakfast is the most important meal of the day! 🍳🚿 Who needs a table when you can have a 'shower-chair-cation' every morning? 💁‍♂️🪑"
5 months ago
Share →: I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

Commentary:
"Sure, let me just put on my pilot's hat and make sure we reach our destination in one piece! 🧳✈️ #FlightAttendantGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

Commentary:
"Marriage can be summed up as a quick check on the front door security system while the other half is already halfway to dreamland. 🔒💤 It's all about balance, right? 😄"
5 months ago
Share →: Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

Commentary:
🤖 "Dear predictive text, please stop pushing me to spread Thanksgiving cheer every time someone just wants a recipe! Even virtual assistants need a break from holiday vibes sometimes 😂🦃 #PredictiveTextProblems"
5 months ago
Share →: A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

Commentary:
Introducing the newest way to find love for the socially awkward – 𝗙𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗹𝗲! Because stumbling over your words has never been so charming 😉💘 Who needs smooth lines when you can have adorable bumbles? Swipe right for awkward charm! #FumbleDating #FlirtingFailures
5 months ago
Share →: Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Commentary:
"Who knew that golf could be the ultimate stress reliever for the older crowd? 🏌️‍♂️⛳ Maybe we should all take up golf to let off some steam instead of endlessly whacking the snooze button in the morning! 😂"
5 months ago
Share →: If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the job of 3-5 people.

Commentary:
"Reading between the lines of a 'Come grow with us' sign: Get ready to sprout some extra arms and legs, because you're in for a multi-tasking marathon! 🌱💼🏃‍♂️ #TeamOfOne"
5 months ago
Share →: Most insane people live outside of madhouses.

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the real insanity is thriving out in the wild – who needs the structure of a madhouse anyway? 🤪🏠 Out there, madness roams free, blending seamlessly with the chaos of everyday life. It's a jungle out there, quite literally! 🌿🦁 #LivingOnTheEdge"
5 months ago
Share →: Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

Commentary:
"Ah, the joys of human relationships. 🤣 Just when you think you've met that special someone, they make you consider extreme measures. 💔🔪 Remember, it's all part of life's rollercoaster ride… or crime thriller novel! 😜 #RelationshipDrama"
5 months ago
Share →: Not being able to see Likes on posts is a tragedy. Love it when two people are arguing and you can see all their little backup dancers.

Commentary:
"Ah, the invisible Like button strikes again! It's like watching a showdown with a troop of tiny supporters doing the wave in the background 🕺🙌💃. Who needs popcorn when you have backup dancers keeping the drama alive! 🎭🌟 #SocialMediaEntertainment"