714 Funny people quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Some people find it strange when you talk to your pet. I find conversations with some people much stranger.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, you think talking to my pet is strange? Have you tried chatting with Karen from accounting? 🐱🤔👩‍💼 #PetTalksWin"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a marriage certificate when you've got divorce experience? It's all about that perfect balance of commitment and independence 😅💔 #RelationshipStatusExpert"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’ve heard that people who don’t have Facebook use their free time to lie naked on top of each other. Ew, imagine that.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like Facebook might be saving humanity from some interesting recreational activities… 😂🙈 Who needs naked human Jenga when you have social media, am I right? 🤣 #FacebookSavesLives"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

  Commentary:
  "If human behavior doesn't improve, I might just end up saving puppies with my spare parts 🐶🏥 Who knew the animal shelter could use a human organ donor? 🤣 #GoodDeedsGoneToTheDogs"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

  Commentary:
  Looks like there's a podcast microphone in one hand and a questionable opinion in the other 🎙️🙈 Who knew that an abundance of podcast gear would lead to a surplus of hot takes? 🔥 Maybe it's time for a mandatory filter for those recording booths! 🤔🎧 #PodcastPandemonium

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  5 months ago

  Share →: People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

  Commentary:
  "Pro tip: Want to sound smart? Just casually polish your glasses and drop some 'wisdom' 🤓💬 They'll think you're a genius in no time! #FakeItTillYouPolishIt"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

  Commentary:
  Looks like someone's breaking records in world-class exaggeration! 🌟🙈 Exaggeration level: Legendary. Accusation level: Off the charts! 😂 #ExaggerationGoals

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the aliens are playing the ultimate prank! 🛸🌌 But hey, who's gonna believe someone whose favorite pastime is wearing a tinfoil hat, am I right? 👽😜"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, the sweet freedom of not having social plans! 😅 Who knew a global pandemic would make introverts feel like party animals? 🎉 #SorryNotSorry #IntrovertLife"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is: don’t do that!

  Commentary:
  "Who knew the secrets of mountain climbing could be so simple? 🏔️ Just remember, folks, the real adventure lies in cozying up with a good book instead! 📚😂 #SafetyFirst"

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