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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

“I” before “E,” except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from weird, feisty, caffeinated weightlifters.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I’m not good with plants or people, but I am good with books and buffets.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I know I just ate a snack, but I could really use a snack.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

God ate when he created sleep, what a beautiful concept.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks they’re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

Trending via Threads:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Who the hell keeps letting it be Monday again?

Trending via Reddit:

Are you in love with me yet or do I have to post another Spotify link?

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Someone asked, “Can I bum a scroll?” because they deleted Instagram off their phone.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Being a social worker is crazy because those are literally my two least favorite things.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.

Trending via WeChat:

My front facing camera got me looking like a failed science project.

Trending via Snapchat:

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

14 Funny preferences quotes

Funny preferences quotes 😂 are the perfect way to celebrate all those quirky likes and dislikes that make us uniquely awesome! Whether you prefer pineapple on pizza 🍍🍕 or binge-watching shows over hitting the gym 🛋️💪, these hilarious takes on personal tastes will have you nodding and laughing out loud. Get ready to embrace your weird favorites with a big smile and a sprinkle of humor! 😄✨

New funny preferences quotes 👇

Becoming a DJ, but only because I like to impose my will and preferences upon the masses.

6 days ago

crowd, dj, humor, i, impose, masses, music, only, preference, preferences, upon
Part of getting older is having a favorite pen.

2 months ago

aging, favorite, favorite item, getting, getting older, having, humor, item, older, pen, preferences, stationery
I wish Amazon would stop finding things I might like.

2 months ago

Amazon, finding, humor, i, irony, online, preferences, shopping, stop, technology, things, wish
I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

2 months ago

blanket, comfort, form, human, human form, humor, i, preferences, relaxation, weighted, weighted blanket
Used dark mode so much that I became physically repulsed when I see a white screen.

2 months ago

dark, dark mode, discomfort, humor, i, mode, much, physically, preferences, repulsion, screen, technology, used, visual, visual discomfort, white, white screen
Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

2 months ago

entertainment, forget, humor, interests, Pornhub, preferences, seeing, Spotify, Spotify Wrapped, streaming, wrapped
At first, big breasts were attractive, then suddenly it was big butts. I’m waiting for it to finally be big bellies.

2 months ago

attractive, attractiveness, belly, big, body, body image, breasts, butts, change, humor, image, preferences, trends, waiting
I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

2 months ago

chances, fat, humor, i, irony, Jim, preferences, slim
I hate how everything is organic now. I miss chemicals.

2 months ago

chemicals, everything, food, hate, humor, i, irony, lifestyle, miss, nostalgia, organic, preferences
I’m a people pleaser, unless you don’t like that. Then I’m not.

2 months ago

contradiction, humor, people, people pleaser, personality, pleaser, preferences, self-awareness, social

For even more funny preferences quotes, hit next 👇

All funny preferences quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Discord this month:

Anyone who thinks things have got so bad that they can only get better is showing a remarkable lack of imagination.

74 shares on WeChat this month:

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

11 shares on Twitch this month:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

44 shares on Messenger this month:

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

I predict the next world war will be artificial intelligence versus genuine stupidity.

75 shares on Slack this month:

I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

22 shares on Reddit this month:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

17 shares on X this month:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My New Year’s resolution is to be less presumptuous and rude to others. I’ll bet yours is to lose weight, isn’t it?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Just heard my knee crack so loud I expected it to glow in the dark.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Weird. I’m the only one naked at this gender reveal party.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,740

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

If I can’t wash dishes to your album, it ain’t that fire.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

I hope this email finds you in the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Maybe aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

What did parents do before smart phones, hold their babies with two hands or something?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Single for Christmas, but at least I won’t be buying presents for a liar.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

But if I get tinted windows, how will people see me flipping them off?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.

Freshly posted on X:

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

Trending via X:

Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’m so jealous of people who live near a coastal area. What do you mean you can just go to the beach on a random Tuesday?

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

Just landed via YouTube:

I went from dancing with myself in the 80s to talking to myself now.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

Shared recently on Threads:

As a childless adult, it is my duty to embrace hobbies and pastimes that my peers cannot, as they have sacrificed their free time to maintain the population. I must vibe and chill, and do fun things, in their honor.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Please pray for our son, who had to unload the dishwasher when “he just did this yesterday, and he’s tired.”

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