211 Funny thing quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Only thing sexier than a bad decisions is a bad decision with queso.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs good decisions when you have queso to spice things up? 🧀😂 Just remember, sometimes the cheesiest choices are the most satisfying! 😏🔥 #QuesoForTheWin"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

  Commentary:
  "Sex is great, but have you ever experienced the sheer satisfaction of checking off every single task on your to-do list? 🤓💪 It's a productivity high like no other – who needs romance when you have completed tasks, am I right? 😂 #ProductivityOverPleasure"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

  Commentary:
  "Like the Energizer bunny, you just keep going and going and going… 🐰💼 Don't worry, retirement is just a few thousand more Mondays away! ⏳😅"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, the sweet siren call of the cozy bed, beckoning you back from the woes of the day like a restful oasis in a desert of responsibilities. 🛌💤 Who needs adventures when you have the soft embrace of your bed waiting for you at the end of the day? #BedIsBae"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My phone is like my lover, it’s the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the modern-day romance with our phones 😂📱! It's always there for us in moments of need, be it a late-night scroll or an early-morning alarm clock. Who needs candlelit dinners when you have screen time as the ultimate bae? 🌙⏰ #RelationshipGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

  Commentary:
  🤹‍♂️🎄Parenting is a true test of letting go – especially when those ornaments are hanging by a thread and your inner perfectionist is screaming! Just remember, it's all part of the holiday charm, right? Who knew that teaching patience could be so festive? 🤪🎅

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

  Commentary:
  "Taking therapy to a whole new level: from patient to therapist hunter! 🦸‍♂️💥 Final boss defeat achieved – My life may be a trainwreck, but at least I'm the conductor! 🚂😂"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the rare silver lining of dealing with egotists – their self-centeredness serves as a shield against all the gossip and drama! 😂🙌 It's like having a VIP pass to a one-person show, starring themselves. 🌟 #EgoOnPoint"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

  Commentary:
  "Breaking news: Doughnut deprived of its bling! 🍩😱 Who knew dieting could be so cruel? Stay strong, sprinkle-less warrior! 💪 #DoughnutDrama"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

  Commentary:
  "Whoever said 'you made your bed now lie in it' clearly never experienced the luxury of freshly-made hotel beds 🛏️. I'll happily lie in any bed as long as there's a cozy blanket and some good snacks nearby! 💁‍♂️😂 #LazyLuxury"

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