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5 months ago
Share →: Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

Commentary:
Never underestimate the power of a midlife crisis mixed with a dash of determination and a sprinkle of methamphetamine! 💼👨‍🏫➡️💰💊 Dream big, folks. If Walter White can do it, so can you! 🌟 #BreakingBoundaries
5 months ago
Share →: If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

Commentary:
"Swimming with dolphins may break the bank, but swimming with sharks will have you diving into your savings, literally! 🦈💸 Better watch out for those loan sharks next time! 😂"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m already excited about who I’m going to think sucks first today.

Commentary:
"Ah, the thrill of strategic suckage selection! Who will earn the prestigious title of 'First to Suck' today? 🤔 May the odds be ever in your favor! 😂"
5 months ago
Share →: I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

Commentary:
"Ah, the sweet illusion of age and wisdom shattered by the harsh reality of adulting… Turns out, it's not about being wise and self-confident, it's just a battle against exhaustion 😴💭 #AdultingStruggles #AgeVsTiredness"
5 months ago
Share →: Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Commentary:
Is it just me, or is cancer really pulling ahead in the zodiac race? ♋️🏁 Who knew an astrological sign could be such a tough competitor in the mortality department! Watch out, Capricorns and Geminis, Cancer is on a roll! 😉🦀
5 months ago
Share →: Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic echo chamber squad! 🙉🙊🙈 Time to shake things up and introduce a little variety into the mix – let's see how the consensus shifts when faced with a different tune! 🎶💬"
5 months ago
Share →: I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's trying to turn that watermelon into a real party animal! 🍉🍸 Who needs a fancy cocktail glass when you've got a giant fruit ready to bring the fun? Just remember to eat the fruit salad, not the booze salad! 😄🍹"
5 months ago
Share →: Everytime I spend $20 I think this is fine because I won’t do it again. And then would you believe.

Commentary:
"Spending $20: the classic tale of good intentions and sneaky temptations 🤑💸 Just like a game of 'would you believe,' your wallet always ends up saying 'Oh, I believe it, all right!' 🙈💸 #OopsIDidItAgain"
5 months ago
Share →: Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

Commentary:
"Networking more with colleagues sounds like a great idea… until the 10th 'How was your weekend?' conversation in a row 🙃👔 #IntrovertProblems"
5 months ago
Share →: I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

Commentary:
Ah, a classic case of selective amnesia blended with a touch of marital honesty! 🤣 It seems like your wife might need a memory boost or maybe just some upgraded rose-tinted glasses! 👓💭 Just remind her of your charm and wit, and she'll remember why she fell for you in the first place! 😉🌟