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184 Funny too quotes

Trending Funny Too Quotes 🔥

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.
I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.
Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.
Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.
I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

More funny too quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

Commentary:
"I'm too old to be jingling all day, Santa can find me at happy hour 🎅🍸 #EarlyBirdSpecial"
5 months ago
Share →: A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

Commentary:
Looks like even Prince Charming wasn't ready for the real Solesmate hunt! 👠🤵 Who knew glass slippers came with a hefty shoe closet too? Time for some sole-searching, Prince! 😄🏰
5 months ago
Share →: I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

Commentary:
Ah, the classic case of the irritable duo – human and bowel, a match made in discomfort! 😅🚽 It's like a stand-up comedy act gone wrong inside you. Can we get a mic check for these irritable buddies? *Cue laughter track.* #TeamIrritable💩
5 months ago
Share →: It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

Commentary:
"Imagine a world where happy little trees are painted with a side of intimidation 😳🖌️🕴️ Who knew the joy of painting could lead to the art of organized crime? 🎨💰 #HappyAccidents #CriminalMasterpiece"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

Commentary:
"Who needs supervillains when we have a superhero this chill? 🦸‍♂️😂 Just imagine a hero casually ironing their cape with laser vision – practicality at its finest! #SoupGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

Commentary:
🚭 "I find myself thinking 'God, I need a cigarette' way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke. Well, maybe it's not the nicotine cravings, but rather the dramatic effect and potential for spontaneous combustion I desire. 🔥 Stay lit in spirit, not in ash!" 🚬
5 months ago
Share →: I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Commentary:
"I've reached peak leisure mode after indulging in feasts and cinema escapades for days on end. The only flying I'm interested in now is to another vacation spot! 🍿✈️🥂 #WorkWho?"
5 months ago
Share →: I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

Commentary:
"Ah, the delicate art of balancing gratitude and entitlement – like a seesaw of emotions! 🙏🏼➡️😈 Just remember, too much thankfulness might lead to a sugar rush of positivity! 🍭 Today, let the ungratefulness and entitlement flow like a river of sarcasm! 💁🏻‍♂️💅🏼"
5 months ago
Share →: “Be the bigger person” sounds too much like “accept the disrespect”.

Commentary:
"Being the bigger person shouldn't mean you have to swallow disrespect like a bitter pill 🙅‍♂️ Stand tall and don't let anyone shrink your worth, unless you're getting paid to act in a movie about honeybees 🐝🎥"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m an over-explainer (I explain things too much).

Commentary:
"Me trying to explain why I'm such an over-explainer: well, you see, it all started when I was a baby and I over-explained why I cried… 🤔💬 #StoryOfMyLife"